[Verse 1] They said the monster lived beneath the bed And all the stories children read But mine tucked me in whispered sweet poison in good nights And taught me how to be afraid of light You told me pink was weakness so i learned to disappear folded every piece of me into places no one hears i hid the songs i loved the way i dream the way i dress Learned to measure every word before it left my chest you called me mature for thirteen Like it was something i should be proud of While i cooked my dinners packed my bag and taught myself what love was You praised the things you never taught the strength that grew from being alone Every scar became a skill Every battle became my home [Chorus] The monster wasn t lurking in the shadows The monster put me to bed Brushed my hair and filled my head With every word i never said You were the hand beneath the skin The voice that echoed out of me I wore the smile i took the blame But the words were never mine to speak [Bridge] Who am i without your voice Who am i if i get a choice [Verse 2] I knew how to run a household Before i knew who i was Get myself to school each morning Without a second thought because Your world always came first Your heartbreak rage and fear I learned to read the weather Every time you entered near There were horses in the fields ribbons hanging on the wall Rewards when i reflected you punishments when i stood tall I got so good at winning that i forgot to ask myself If the dream i carry proudly had belonged to someone else You break apart and i d become the glue that held the pieces still A child carrying oceans on a body built for play [Chorus] The monster wasn t lurking in the shadows The monster put me to bed Taught me how to bury hope and keep my heart locked in my head You were the ventriloquist I was the puppet dressed in skin And i spent years paying for the choices you pushed through my teeth and called my sins [Verse 3] Then one day the world split open The final battle a phone call a signature A government file to everyone else it happened suddenly But i had been leaving for years Every faint goodbye every lash of the whip every bitter lie every night spent wondering if this would finally be the one you called for the ending yourself And when the door opened i ran I lost my mother i lost my home My pets my friends the life i d known I lost the map i lost my name And still i choose that loss again Because freedom hurt But staying Would have killed me [Chorus] The monster wasn t lurking in the shadows The monster put me to bed And some nights i still hear you living somewhere in my head The strings are cut but not erased i feel them pull when i am scared And every part of me that s like you is a thing i have to bear But every day i choose myself a little more than yesterday And every dream i used to hide comes out and learns to stay [Outro] I don t miss the mother that i had I miss the mother who could have been The woman who got help the woman who stayed The woman who chose her child instead of her pain Maybe i ll spend my whole life mourning someone who never arrived But i am thirteen forever in one corner of my heart And i am growing older everywhere else And for the first time The voice i hear is mine
