Dating App Nothing But Crap (Updated)

High energy all girl Punk at 190–205 BPM, raw female half-singing/half-barking lead vocal, one distorted electric guitar driving the arrangement with galloping bass and short aggressive drum fills, gang vocals on every “swipe, swipe, ” four-bar absurdly pretty melodic guitar passage, dead-stop silence for one beat, then an explosive faster final chorus; unpolished defiant mix with clipped distortion and abrupt dramatic cuts, ‑No nu metal

(Pre-Chorus)
Swipe, swipe
No, he’s too tall
Swipe, swipe
Don’t like his grin
Swipe, swipe
Nah—definite serial-killer vibes

(Chorus)
Why can’t it be like the old days?
Go to a bar and get ripped
Come home with the first one that kisses your lips
Instead of staring at a silly little screen
Swiping away

(Verse 2)
This one’s got mommy issues
Swipe, swipe
I don’t like the way he’s looking at me

(Spoken Word — Female)
“I know it’s a picture, you just gotta see it.”

Swipe, swipe
He’s wearing a D&D shirt
He might be kind of fun 
Wierd picture though 
Swipe, swipe
He’s kind of cute

(Chorus)
Why can’t it be like the old days?
Go to a bar and get ripped
Come home with the first one that kisses your lips
Instead of staring at a silly little screen
Swiping away

(Verse 3)
This one has a pixelated crotch
Okay, that’s way too little pixels—definite swipe
Swipe, swipe

Hey, there’s my ex…
Still not that desperate…
[giggling]
He AI his crotch
Swipe, swipe
Way too fucking old
Swipe, swipe
My finger is getting tired

(Chorus)
Why can’t it be like the old days?
Go to a bar and get ripped
Come home with the first one that kisses your lips
Instead of staring at a silly little screen
Swiping away

(Verse 4)
Not really getting anywhere
Today’s world really isn’t fair
Have to rely on a dating app to find someone
Just give it one more try

Swipe, swipe
Oh no, that Netflix guy
Technically, it would be our second date 
Maybe he’ll do something then…

Nah.

Swipe, swipe

My damn luck—I reached the end
There’s nothing for me here
But being the desperate person I am
I went with the D&D guy
Maybe he’ll roll  a natural 20 and score

(Bridge — Brief Melodic Change)
I waited for him at the coffee shop
And he walks in and my jaw dropped
Freaking Adonis in the dragon shirt 
“His picture was his D&D character “
Took my hand and said,
“Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

(Outro)
The conversation went great as we headed to my place
Netflix still not working
So we got to the chill
There’s some small talk before we began
Then the conversation dropped dead

We realized we’d seen each other before…

(MUSIC STOPS)

At a family reunion.

We’re cousins.

(Spoken Word — Female)
“Just my damn fucking luck!”

(ONE DEAD BEAT — BAND CRASHES BACK IN)

We both agreed that wasn’t a good idea
Kissed him on his forehead
And made him disappear

(Spoken Word — Female)
“And of course I haven’t gotten that fucking plug-in yet…
and I still don't have any batteries.”

(Final Chorus — Faster / Gang Vocals on “Swipe”)
Why can’t it be like the old days?
Go to a bar and get ripped
Come home with the first one that kisses your lips
Instead of staring at a silly little screen
Swiping away

SWIPE! SWIPE!

The dating world today
Is just plain insane!
[giggling]

2979/7500

(Verse 1) It seems that if you wanna find someone You gotta go on and drop a picture on a dating app Put a little bit of your info down And hope you can get a night on the town Or end up in the back of a car trunk of some local clown (Pre-Chorus) Swipe, swipe No, he’s too tall Swipe, swipe Don’t like his grin Swipe, swipe Nah—definite serial-killer vibes (Chorus) Why can’t it be like the old days? Go to a bar and get ripped Come home with the first one that kisses your lips Instead of staring at a silly little screen Swiping away (Verse 2) This one’s got mommy issues Swipe, swipe I don’t like the way he’s looking at me (Spoken Word — Female) “I know it’s a picture, you just gotta see it.” Swipe, swipe He’s wearing a D&D shirt He might be kind of fun Wierd picture though Swipe, swipe He’s kind of cute (Chorus) Why can’t it be like the old days? Go to a bar and get ripped Come home with the first one that kisses your lips Instead of staring at a silly little screen Swiping away (Verse 3) This one has a pixelated crotch Okay, that’s way too little pixels—definite swipe Swipe, swipe Hey, there’s my ex… Still not that desperate… [giggling] He AI his crotch Swipe, swipe Way too fucking old Swipe, swipe My finger is getting tired (Chorus) Why can’t it be like the old days? Go to a bar and get ripped Come home with the first one that kisses your lips Instead of staring at a silly little screen Swiping away (Verse 4) Not really getting anywhere Today’s world really isn’t fair Have to rely on a dating app to find someone Just give it one more try Swipe, swipe Oh no, that Netflix guy Technically, it would be our second date Maybe he’ll do something then… Nah. Swipe, swipe My damn luck—I reached the end There’s nothing for me here But being the desperate person I am I went with the D&D guy Maybe he’ll roll a natural 20 and score (Bridge — Brief Melodic Change) I waited for him at the coffee shop And he walks in and my jaw dropped Freaking Adonis in the dragon shirt “His picture was his D&D character “ Took my hand and said, “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.” (Outro) The conversation went great as we headed to my place Netflix still not working So we got to the chill There’s some small talk before we began Then the conversation dropped dead We realized we’d seen each other before… (MUSIC STOPS) At a family reunion. We’re cousins. (Spoken Word — Female) “Just my damn fucking luck!” (ONE DEAD BEAT — BAND CRASHES BACK IN) We both agreed that wasn’t a good idea Kissed him on his forehead And made him disappear (Spoken Word — Female) “And of course I haven’t gotten that fucking plug-in yet… and I still don't have any batteries.” (Final Chorus — Faster / Gang Vocals on “Swipe”) Why can’t it be like the old days? Go to a bar and get ripped Come home with the first one that kisses your lips Instead of staring at a silly little screen Swiping away SWIPE! SWIPE! The dating world today Is just plain insane! [giggling]

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