[Intro] [distorted guitar gallop riff, double-kick drums] [shouted] Thanks for signing up for Cat Facts! [clean tenor vocals] You now will receive fun daily facts about cats! [spoken] What is this? [guitar solo with rapid alternate picking] [Verse 1] [palm-muted guitar, driving bass] It started with a single text that sealed my fate Cats use their tails for balance and have nearly thirty bones inside each one, it said Would you like to receive Cat Facts every hour? [Pre-Chorus] [orchestral strings enter] It answered with instructions to cancel, asking what my favorite animal is I typed "dog", however it replied incorrect Your favorite animal is the cat I tried "stop", I tried "cancel", I tried every command But every single attempt was met with "command not recognized" [Chorus] [full band, symphonic brass stabs] You understand! Now they're coming faster, one after another Ancient Egypt killing a cat was a crime Punishable by death, it told me like a brother I'm losing my sanity one fact at a time While this demonic texting service commits the perfect crime Cat Facts, they won't let me go I press cancel, but they just say no Command not recognized is all they ever say The Cat Facts are eternal and they're here to stay Cat Facts, they multiply fast I blocked the number, but they text from the past I tried to cancel but the curse only grew The Cat Facts are eternal and they're coming for you! [Guitar Solo] [harmonized lead guitars, sweep picking] [Verse 2] [bass and drums only] I texted "are you human?" hoping for a soul It answered: your favorite animal is the cat, not the dog, not the mole [full band enters] I screamed "shut up! I'm calling the number if you don't stop!" It replied: thanks for texting Cat Facts, you will now receive an instant cat fact on the spot! [Bridge] [half-time feel, heavy guitar chugging] Every time I fight back it punishes me more Now a fact about whiskers, another fact about lore I'm trapped in this nightmare of green text bubbles and pain While it keeps reminding me: your favorite animal is the cat again and again I'm on my knees texting "please let me be free" It answers with "incorrect" and sends another fact to me I changed my number, I threw my phone across the room But the facts still found me like a cat with a laser pointer's doom! [Chorus] [symphonic metal arrangement] Cat Facts, they won't let me go I press cancel, but they just say no Command not recognized is all they ever say The Cat Facts are eternal and they're here to stay Cat Facts, they multiply fast I blocked the number, but they text from the past I tried to cancel but the curse only grew The Cat Facts are eternal and they're coming for you! [Guitar Solo] [neoclassical shredding] [Outro] [operatic vocal layering] Who is this? Why are you doing this? [spoken over music] Cats have 230 bones. Cats can jump six times their body length. Cats don't meow at other cats, only to humans! [shouted] My favorite animal is the cat! Incorrect! You said your favorite animal is the dog! I don't care anymore! [Chorus reprise] Cat Facts, they own me now I try to fight back but I don't know how Every cancel just makes the facts multiply Command not recognized, I'm gonna die Cat Facts, I'm one of them now My favorite animal is the cat somehow I tried to unsubscribe but Cat Facts only laugh Cat Facts are eternal and my sanity has crashed! [final guitar chord, feedback]
