[Spoken Intro – Pip & Fattyfoot] Pip: This one’s a bedtime song for people who don’t deserve sleep. Fattyfoot: And for one goblin who really picked the wrong village. Both: Snutty Diggle, everybody. [Verse 1 – Pip] In the hedge beside your window, where the moonlight cuts like glass Lurks a goblin in a nightcap, sniffing round your garden grass Yellow eyes above a dagger, silhouette that screams “you’re dead” ’Til he uses it to butter crusts of stolen tavern bread [Verse 2 – Fattyfoot] He leans over baby’s cradle, shadow long across the floor Looks like murder in the making, lantern closed, he shuts the door Then he fixes up the blanket, plugs the draft with bits of rag Steals the parents’ wedding biscuit, leaves the kid his lucky bag [Chorus – Both] Snutty Diggle, night-time squiggle Creeping like a villain at your wall Looks like sin, way he’s slinking in But he ain’t that bad at all He’ll nick your pie, he might peep an eye At who’s undressed in the hall Snutty Diggle, little lickspittle A nuisance more than Diab’l [Verse 3 – Pip] He sneaks behind the drunken priest, with bottle marked “rat doom” You’d swear he’s set to poison half the chapel in one gloom But he swaps it for a hangover, strongest brew the dwarves can make “Let the gods sort out their sermons, I just deal in honest ache.” [Verse 4 – Fattyfoot] He slinks around the counting-house where all the taxmen keep their gold You’d bet a year’s pay he’s about to gut them all and leave ’em cold But he just reverses ledgers, skims a coin to feed the poor Then draws rude pictures of the mayor on each official door [Chorus – Both] Snutty Diggle, shadow wiggle Looks like doom on padded feet But his schemes all land much softer Than the gossip on this street He’ll smear the lord’s new statue He’ll piss in the fountain bowl Snutty Diggle, little lickspittle Is mostly crime of soul [Bridge – Pip & Fattyfoot] Pip: Every time he looks like trouble Folks cry “monster, fetch a noose!” Fattyfoot: But the worst he ever manages Is mild chaos and abuse Pip: He’s a walking bad decision With a pocket full of spite Fattyfoot: But he never quite remembers How to really do it right [Final Verse – Both, louder, rowdy] ’Til one night the town got jumpy, someone screamed “The goblin’s back!” Pitchforks, torches, all the classics, smelled blood in the bramble black They caught him by the wellside, holding something dark and round Just a pie he meant to pilfer… when they knocked him to the ground In the end Snutty Diggle was in a real big pickle ’Cause the townsfolk banded round and squished him in the ground And as his brain exploded, we all quietly noted That Snutty Diggle, the little lickspittle Was not so bad after all [Final Chorus – Drunken Refrain] Snutty Diggle, night-time squiggle Never quite earned that fatal fall Raise your ale for the goblin tale Who wasn’t that bad at all Here’s to every near-evil Who only half-heeds the call Snutty Diggle, little lickspittle We sing you down the hall.
