Jaw set hard, tongue against my teeth Eyes fixed beside you, afraid to meet yours You asked me once, I gave you half a grin Wrong shape, wrong second, let the worst walk in I pressed my lips till the color withdrew Held every answer behind clenched teeth My cheek jumped once when you said my name Then I stared at the floor and stayed the same My brow never moved though my stomach turned You waited for softness that never emerged You had my face, not the noise in my head That stillness answered before I could speak What reached you was the shape of refusal A level stare when you needed a sign I know how it hurt when my fear looked cruel The alarm never reached my eyes I won't deny what that did to you You faced a mouth that would not move I kept the panic under my skin And left its expression with you That smile at the worst time wasn't contempt It was one more reflex I couldn't prevent A twitch in the cheek, then my lips went flat Your shoulders drew in when you looked at that You reached for my hand; I folded my arms Watched your face tighten and gave you no warmth I felt myself freeze and I let it remain You stood there alone with what showed on my face What reached you was the shape of refusal A level stare when you needed a sign I know how it hurt when my fear looked cruel The alarm never reached my eyes I won't deny what that did to you You faced a mouth that would not move I kept the panic under my skin And left its expression with you I WASN'T CALM — I WAS GONE IN MY OWN FACE I wanted my mouth to admit I was scared Wanted my eyes to stay where you were But my lips stayed shut and my eyes slipped away You stood there alone with the chill I displayed My fear doesn't soften how cold I was to you It only names what I failed to show you What reached you was the shape of refusal A level stare when you needed a sign I know how it hurt when my fear looked cruel The alarm never reached my eyes I won't ask you to soften that moment Or search for the fear that never came through I kept the panic under my skin And left its expression with you If I had let one muscle give— No. I didn't.
