I drown the pain in nicotine, caffeine, as I try to medicate Sleep don't come, just reruns of mistakes I recreate Yeah… same shit, different night This isn't self-pity, it's clarity, of the depths I can't undo And every time I write a song, it's just a scream disguised as truth I feel the weight, like the building’s coming down I grasp, but no one's there to pull me out My lungs fill with silence, thick as smoke and doubt I write it down it's the only way I’m ever loud So don’t call this healing, it’s just staying alive One broken breath at a time Don’t call this strength, I’m just too numb to cry I still bleed through every line Yeah I still bleed through every fucking line My hands shake just turning off the light The shadows feel more honest than the quiet every night I don’t pray, I don’t believe, but I still beg the dark for peace Even lies feel like relief when the truth cuts this damn deep I trace the cracks on my ceiling like a roadmap of regret Every promise I believed just became another debt Tried to fix myself in silence, but the quiet always wins I build a new beginning, then tear it down again Yeah I build it up just to watch it fucking fall Nicotine in my bloodstream, caffeine got me wide-eyed, wired, I don’t sleep Replay every fuckin’ mistake on a loop, in the booth while I bleed on the beat No peace, just a piece of the beast in my chest, every breath feelin’ heavy as hell I don’t vent, I just leak what I keep in the deep, all the shit I don’t tell Build it to break it, I make it, then take it and throw it away like it’s nothing Every step that I’m steppin’ feel like I’m regressin’, confessin’ the fuck that I’m runnin’ from Head full of static, it crackle and snap and it drag me right back to the damage Every habit’s a blade and I’m handlin’ it backwards, I laugh like “this shit just my language” Cracks in the ceiling, I’m readin’ ‘em back like a map of the shit I regret Every promise I kept turned to debt, now I’m bettin’ against every breath that I get I don’t cry, I just dry up inside, tell myself that I’m fine, what a fuckin’ disguise Pen hit the page and I rage, every line like a blade, every word weaponized Alone in a crowd, I get loud in my head but I never let none of it out Every version of me that you met was a mask, I was craftin’ to cover the doubt If I fade, if I vanish, at least I can manage to leave all this shit in the sound Every bar like a scar, every rhyme like a cut, I just bleed when I’m writin’ it down Fuck it, I’m stuck in a cycle, survival’s a title I wear like it mean somethin’ now But it don’t, it just show that I’m broke in the soul and still somehow holdin’ it down Yeah I’m breathin’, I’m livin’, but what the fuck is it givin’ when nothin’ feel real Just a body that’s movin’, a mind that’s losin’, and wounds I refuse to heal Every photo I deleted still lives behind my eyes Every version of me you met was just another disguise I let the guilt sit with me, like a friend I can’t unseat Even in a crowded room, I only hear my own heartbeat I keep the lights low, like it matters anymore A little darker every day, until I don’t know what it's for If peace is out there waiting, it’s never calling back I leave a trail of songs, hoping I don’t fade to black Yeah I leave it all in these fucking tracks Fuck… I keep writing like it fixes something Like it’s gonna pull me out of this shit But it don’t Not every wound needs light Some just ask to be left alone at night I still bleed through every line Yeah… every fucking line And maybe that’s all I’ll ever write
