[Verse 1] We've mastered warp and phaser banks we've bent the laws of space But every other Tuesday someone meets a famous face The holodeck is running or the timeline's gone askew And suddenly there's Leonardo standing in the queue [Chorus] We're Twaining we're Twaining it happens every week There's a man from the eighteen hundreds wandering around the bridge looking confused and antique We're Twaining we're Twaining it's a fine Starfleet tradition Every captain meets Mark Twain eventually it's practically a condition [Verse 2] Picard put on a fedora and became a private eye Data played the violin while Moriarty learned to be alive Bashir and Miles were Spitfire pilots every other Thursday night And Janeway painted with Da Vinci by electric candlelight [Chorus] We're Twaining we're Twaining it happens every week There's a man from the eighteen hundreds wandering around the bridge looking confused and antique We're Twaining we're Twaining it's a fine Starfleet tradition Every captain meets Mark Twain eventually it's practically a condition [Verse 3] Q once threw us all to Sherwood made the captain wear the tights Wharf was not a merry man but he still got in the fights Vic Fontaine was singing standards in a casino that's not real And nobody on Deep Space Nine could tell what they should feel [Bridge] You'd think with all the future we'd be looking straight ahead But give a Starfleet officer a holodeck and they'll cosplay the dead The Cerritos crew just shrugged and said yeah this is what we do Lower decks already knew that Twaining always pulls you through [Verse 4] Robin Hood and Sherlock Holmes and samurai at dawn Ancient Rome and World War Two and Shakespeare on the lawn For a fleet that's boldly going where no one's gone before They spend a shocking amount of time in the eighteen sixty four [Final Chorus] We're Twaining we're Twaining it's the finest thing in space There's a man with a moustache and a pocket watch who's stumbled through a temporal displaced We're Twaining we're Twaining and we'll never let it go Every generation finds a reason to put on a period costume and ruin the timeline with a show And ruin the timeline with a show And ruin the timeline with a show [Spoken] Computer end programme Actually no leave it running I haven't finished being Robin Hood [End]
