[Style: Industrial club-dance, heavy synthesizer bass, gritty Chicago blues guitar accents, minimal glitch-step percussion, aggressive electronic beat] [Style: Industrial club-dance, heavy synthesizer bass, metallic percussion, aggressive electronic beat] (Verse 1) Sleigh parked illegally on sector nine That velvet red coat is a fashion crime White faux fur and a baggy frame Zero tactical function, absolute shame No aerodynamic profile, no functional weight Just a walking hazard at the perimeter gate (Chorus) We’re bagging Santa for a wardrobe flaw Protocol Black is the only law Throw him in the van, strip the festive fleece We’re terminating this aesthetic piece (Verse 2) The candy-cane stripes and the buckle shoes Are giving the tactical team the blues Unwrap the zip-ties, secure the head We’re kidnapping Christmas, style over red (Outro) Extraction complete. Wardrobe secured. [Style: Gritty Chicago blues guitar, heavy roots bassline, slow menacing groove] (Verse 1) Old man sitting on a rooftop ridge Looking like a walking safety bridge That ugly red sweater burns the eyes Time to cut the fat and check the size You call that tactical? That’s a joke We’re taking you in before the chimney smoke (Chorus) Pack him up, bag him up, drag him away We don't do cardigans on combat day Take the sack, strip the fleece, lock the door Santa’s wearing bad outfits no more (Verse 2) We offered a sleek compression top instead You stuck with the velvet and went to bed Now the black-ops unit is taking the sleigh For crimes against fashion in broad daylight display (Outro) He's coming with us. Clean up the roof. [Style: Minimalist glitch-step, distorted sub-bass, cold deadpan delivery] (Spoken Intro) Subject identified: Saint Nicholas. Infraction: Severe sartorial non-compliance. Hideous festive knitwear and unapproved red outerwear detected. Initiating extraction sequence. (Verse) Velvet felony. Zero structural integrity. Your reindeer have been impounded for aerodynamic violations. That beard does not meet code. That belt buckle is purely decorative. (Chorus) Override. Extracted. The outfit is terminated. Compliance through superior tailoring. Override. Extracted. Santa is now in custody. (Outro) Close the file. Burn the sweater.
