Step inside, pull up a chair Drink the wine… if you dare Here’s the truth behind the throne How the deal got struck — and how it all went wrong! Tonio sits in velvet red Smiling while he plans ahead Leather chair and desk so grand He’s got the whole of Hell he wants to command! “Crushed velvet? Ruffles? Out of date! We don’t do fashion here, we do FATE!” Beckons Ozzy — cloak askew Poor boy doesn’t know what he’s walked into! Chair is plastic, small and mean Tonio’s eyes are sharp and keen “Water? Oh we’re fresh out of that — Skizz! Bring coffee! And don’t be flat!” Then he smiles, he leans right in He’s got a vacancy he needs to fill within… He tossed a file down on the wood Said “This is the man — he’s bad, he’s no good!” Ozzy glanced, his heart beat fast He’s never lied like this before — and he’s going ALL OUT, blast! OZZY OPENED HIS MOUTH AND THE FIBBING BEGAN SAID THE MAN WAS A MONSTER — THE WORST IN THE LAND! FORNICATION! DRUGS! THE DEVIL’S LETTUCE TO SMOKE! HEROIN DRINKING AND CAKE THAT WAS DOPE! TONIO LISTENED, ONE EYEBROW HIGH SOMETHING IN THIS TALE DIDN’T SIT RIGHT — BOB’S NOT THE DEVIL THAT OZZY DECLARED BUT THE LITTLE LIAR’S TRAPPED AND NO ONE’S SPARED! Tonio nodded, stroked his chin “Funny thing about the shape we’re in — Your monster’s ordinary, mild and plain Twelve pages of small sins and nothing to gain! And stranger still — his story’s clean Doesn’t match the picture you’ve painted to me!” Ozzy squirmed, he wanted to flee “Trauma! He’s forgotten! Can’t you see?!” Then the gag comes off — and BOB SPEAKS UP! And oh, the shouting — it’s loud and it’s rough! BOB interjected, indignant: “IF I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE I’D KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!” OZZY said “WELL I’M DEATH! YOU CAN’T! ITS NOT SOMETHING I'LL ALLOW!” BOB: “YOU’RE A BOY BAND REJECT IN A HAND-ME-DOWN ROBE!” And the truth came spilling like an unbarred door! HE NEVER TOUCHED DRUGS! HE NEVER DID THOSE THINGS! BOB’S JUST A BLOKE WHO FORGOT TO BRING HIS PEN BACK — AND MISSED A MEETING THAT’S ALL! OZZY HUNG HIS HEAD — HE FELT TERRIBLY SMALL! Tonio clapped slow, a wicked grin “PERFECT! You’re exactly the pair I need to win!” Now the plot unfolds, the trap is set Tonio’s got a debt he means to get Hell needs a figurehead, a face to lead And Bob — dear baffled Bob — is the man he needs! “You’ll be the front, you’ll play the part I’ll pull the strings from the shadows dark — Luxury, comfort, all you could crave Just don’t get in my way — or you’ll be the grave!” Then he turned to Ozzy, cold and clear: “You’re his chaperone — his shadow, his fear! Walk him by day, lock him by night Mess this up? Your father finds out — and you’re done, alright!” Auditors, files, disgrace and shame — Ozzy’s trapped in the very same game! SO BOB’S THE KING AND OZZY’S THE KEEPER BOTH CAUGHT IN A SCHEME THAT’S GETTING STEEPER! Bob just wants to go home, eat his tea Ozzy just wanted to look cool and be free! Instead they’re bound together thick and thin By a councillor with a plan and a wicked grin! Ozzy got tossed out onto the floor Staring at the ceiling, wondering what he got in for… So there you have it — the bargain’s sealed Truth was stretched, and now it’s revealed Two mismatched souls, one grand design And neither one of them can decline…
