[Intro — Dark Horror House] [Sound effects: thunder, creepy laughter, distant bells] [Halloween — Evil Whisper] Ohhh… you hear that, you festive little fuckers? The nights are getting darker… The shadows are getting longer… And somebody’s about to lose their fucking holiday! [Sinister bass drop] [Verse 1 — Halloween — Demonic Rap] October’s here, bitch, now get on your knees, I’ve got haunted-ass houses and blood on the breeze! I’ve got witches, I’ve got demons, got the dead in the street, You bring a fat bloke in red and some reindeer with feet! I’m the nightmare king, I’m the terror supreme, I’m the shit that crawls out when you wake from a dream! You sell ugly jumpers and pretend that you’re nice, I’ll turn your North Pole into fucking ice! [Beat cuts abruptly] [Santa — Jolly Laugh] HO HO HO! Well, aren’t you a miserable little pumpkin?! [Christmas Music Switch — Jingle Bells and Bouncy House Bass] [Verse 2 — Santa — Cheerful Rap] Well, hello, little monster! Is your mummy not home? You look like a turnip that’s been left all alone! You think you’re so scary with your cobwebs and gloom, I’ve got elves making toys and a chimney for a tomb! I’m the king of December, I’ve got worldwide fame, You need twelve months of therapy just to manage your name! Kids scream at your face, mate, they run from your sight, Mine scream when I tell them they’ve been naughty all night! HO HO HO! Now that’s what I call fright! [Beat Switch — Dark Halloween House] [Verse 3 — Halloween — Aggressive Rap] Shut your jolly fucking mouth, you fat festive fraud! Your whole bloody holiday’s a capitalist god! You flog plastic tat and you rinse every wallet, Your Christmas dinner costs more than a fucking gold toilet! Your elves are exploited, your reindeer are trapped, And that list of who’s naughty? Mate, that’s fucking creepy as crap! You watch little children while they sleep in their beds, You’d be locked up for life if you weren’t dressed in red! [Halloween — Evil Laughter] HA! HA! HA! Explain that, you bastard! [Christmas Drop — Cheerful Piano and Garage Bass] [Verse 4 — Santa — Laughing, Unbothered] Oh, you cheeky little devil! You’ve been doing your research! But I’ve got a list of my own and you’re right at the worst! You’ve got skeletons dancing and a graveyard for a home, I’ve got a worldwide delivery service and a throne! You dress up like a corpse, mate, you smell like a crypt, Your best night of the year is when the neighbours get pissed! You’ve got pumpkins that rot and some sweets in a bowl, I’ve got Boxing Day leftovers that’ll swallow your soul! HO HO HO! Merry Christmas, you ghoul! [Chorus — Both Voices, Alternating Over House Drop] [Halloween] Trick or treat! Get the fuck out my way! [Santa] Ho ho ho! It’s the most wonderful day! [Halloween] Darkness and danger, we’re running this town! [Santa] Tinsel and terror, now pass the roast crown! [Both] Halloween! Christmas! Who’s taking the crown? Bassline’s banging and we’re tearing it down! Ghosts in the graveyard, elves on the floor, One wants your soul, one’s nicking your door! Halloween! Christmas! Let the battle begin! One’s bringing the nightmares, one’s bringing the gin! Turn up the bass till the whole world shakes, Let the holiday war decide who reigns! [Instrumental — Horror Synths Collide with Sleigh Bells] [Halloween — Low, Threatening Voice] You know what I do to people who choose Christmas over me? [Santa — Brightly] Send them a calendar with the wrong dates? [Halloween] I BURY THEM ALIVE! [Santa] And I send them a fruitcake! HO HO HO! [Second Rap Round — Beat Switching Between Dark and Festive] [Verse 5 — Halloween — Fast, Vicious Rap] I’ve got haunted attractions that’ll scare you to death, You’ll be begging for your mummy and gasping for breath! I’ve got blood on the walls, got a chainsaw that sings, You bring a sack full of socks and some novelty rings! Your snowmen look stupid, your angels look bored, Your festive little playlists should be banned by the law! That same fucking song for the thousandth time, I’d rather lick a gravestone than hear another sleigh chime! [Verse 6 — Santa — Jolly, Fast Rap] Oh, bless your rotten little heart, you’re a seasonal pest! You’ve got one decent party, then you’re dead till next! I get presents, big dinners, and a national day, You get discounted costumes thrown away in November, hooray! I’ve got mistletoe magic, I’ve got snow in the air, You’ve got one plastic spider and a rat in your hair! You’re a spooky little hobby, I’m a worldwide affair, Now sit down, my gourd-faced friend, and enjoy the fresh air! [Halloween — Furious Shout] I’M GOING TO RIP THAT FUCKING BEARD OFF! [Santa — Delighted] Oh, lovely! I’ve been meaning to try a new look! [Final Build — Both Musical Worlds Collide] [Halloween — Menacing Chant] No more carols! No more cheer! Halloween owns the atmosphere! [Santa — Jolly Chant] More mince pies! More festive beer! Santa’s taking over every bloody year! [Both — Rap Clash] You’re a freak! You’re a fraud! You’re a pumpkin with a grudge and a beard made of cod! You’re a ghoul! You’re a ham! I’ll put you on my list—then I’ll eat the whole damn jam! [Final Chorus — Both] Halloween! Christmas! Who’s taking the crown? Bassline’s banging and we’re tearing it down! Ghosts in the graveyard, elves on the floor, One wants your soul, one’s nicking your door! Halloween! Christmas! Let the battle begin! One brings the nightmares, one brings the gin! Turn up the bass till the whole world shakes— The reindeer just unionized. The sleigh has brakes! [Outro — Santa, Beaming] Merry Christmas, you creepy little bastards! [Halloween — Laughing] See you in October. [Both] HO HO HO! HA HA HA!
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