Clarence Washington — Don’t Touch My Ball Fro (1975)

[Intro — Wah Guitar, Bass, Bongos] [Clarence — spoken] Now baby... Clarence is a generous man. You can borrow my Cadillac. You can wear my gold chain. Hell, I'll even let you have the last piece of chicken. But there's ONE thing... you keep your hands off. [Background Singers] (WHAT'S THAT, CLARENCE?) [Clarence] MY BALL FRO. [Band HIT] [Verse 1] Woke up this morning about half past nine Looked in the mirror, Lord, I was looking fine Picked that thing left, picked that thing right Worked on that sucker till it came out tight Round on the bottom Round on the top Perfect little circle and I knew when to stop Walked outside, baby reached real slow— I slapped her hand— DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! [CHORUS] DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! (Leave that thing alone!) DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! (Clarence grew his own!) You can look all day But your hands gotta go! DON'T! TOUCH! MY! BALL FRO! [Clarence] Back up off the merchandise! [Verse 2] Went downtown just to buy some shoes Ball fro bouncing to a funky groove Lady at the counter said, “Can I feel?” [Clarence] Woman... Is that part of the DEAL?! [Background Singers] (NO!) She reached up high I ducked down low Did a little spin just to save my fro She said, “Clarence, I just wanna know—” I said— YOU CAN KNOW FROM OVER THERE! [CHORUS] DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! (Don't squeeze it!) DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! (Don't tease it!) Don't pat it down Don't mess with the flow! DON'T! TOUCH! MY! BALL FRO! [Breakdown — Bass + Drums] [Clarence — spoken] See, people don't understand... This ain't just hair. This is... architecture. [Background Singers] (ARCHITECTURE!) Three hours with the pick! (THREE HOURS!) Half a can of sheen! (HALF A CAN!) And seventeen minutes... getting the back... perfectly round. [Background Singer] Clarence, can I touch it just once? [Clarence] NO! [Background Singer] Just the tip? [Music STOPS] [Clarence] ... The tip of WHAT? [Background Singer] The afro pick! [Clarence] Oh. ... Still no. [Band EXPLODES] [FINAL CHORUS] DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! (KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF!) It's sitting too pretty! DON'T TOUCH MY BALL FRO! (TOO ROUND! TOO PROUD!) Best damn fro in the whole damn city! Pick it high! (HIGH!) Pick it wide! (WIDE!) Clarence got a basketball sitting on his hide! DON'T! TOUCH! MY! BALL! FROOOOO! [Outro] [Background Singer] Clarence... the back is kinda flat. [Silence] [Clarence] ...... Give me the pick.