Phobia Phrenzy (Are You For Real?)

Wait... you're afraid of WHAT? Oh, honey, please. How is it possible? Explain it to me! What kind of madness in your head do I see? From a bird in the yard to a doll on your knee, You're shaking like a leaf, it’s a comedy! How can you shiver at a world so benign? Tell me how you survive... 'cause it's blowing my mind! You walk into the circus and you start to scream, Oh no, a balloon! Coulrophobia hits, it’s a living bad dream! The thick white makeup and the nose so red, Got you wishing that the clown was dead. And a ventriloquist doll sitting on a chair, Automatonophobia makes you tear out your hair! Is that wooden little fellow really inside your skin? It's literally pine wood, Kevin! You stare at your screen, but the bars are all gone, Nomophobia strikes, and you’re crying till dawn! No signal, no Wi-Fi, the apocalypse is near, No TikTok for a minute is your ultimate fear! And out on the street, watch out for the duck, Anatidaephobia means you’re fresh out of luck. You think that Mallard’s watching from across the street? While a chicken—Alektorophobia!—is just T-Rex meat! How is it possible? Explain it to me! What kind of madness in your head do I see? From a bird in the yard to a doll on your knee, You're shaking like a leaf, it’s a comedy! How can you shiver at a world so benign? Tell me how you survive... 'cause it's blowing my mind! You see a bunch of letters, an endless line, Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia time! Scared of long words, can’t even say the name, Your brain completely melts, man, it’s a crying shame. Then you see a hot guy, or a girl so fine, Arrhenophobia and Caligynephobia align! Scared of a hunk, scared of a queen, Funniest damn thing that I’ve ever seen! Oh look, an attractive person! Run! It gets a little closer, the fear of the deed, Genophobia means you will never succeed! A little intimacy gives you way too much stress, Blocking your way to a romantic success. And the most bizarre, yeah, you better believe, Ithyphallophobia makes you want to leave! Just thinking of a biological reaction makes you terrified and blue, Well, that’s going to make dating awkward for you! And finally, for the people who just cannot choose, The ones who have absolutely nothing to lose... There is a final boss, the ultimate twist, A mental breakdown that you cannot resist! Phobophobia! The fear of fear itself! Put all your other issues right back on the shelf! You’re scared of all phobias, a total overload, Your hyperactive brain is about to explode! If you suffer from that, the joke is on you, Your life is so complicated... Get a grip.