[epic whimsical introduction] [Verse 1] I had retired at sixty-five Said, “It’s time to finally live my life!” Got my bags, my plans, my map all drawn Senior citizen—freedom turned on [Pre-Chorus] Gonna see the world, every shore and vista Should’ve checked the news on Absurdistan… and how it had fallen so far [Verse 2] I was trekking deep through jungle green Chasin’ sights I’d never seen Then some locals jumped me quick— Now I’m part of the dinner mix Went from “sir” with a pension plan To the entrée of a hungry clan [Pre-Chorus] Didn’t think my trip would end like this On a menu I didn’t pick… [Chorus] Seasoned citizen, simmerin’ slow Retired last year, now I’m dinner to go From bucket list dreams to a bucket of stew Guess I finally found a “local cuisine” to chew Seasoned citizen, smellin’ so fine Sixty-five years just to marinate in time If I can’t escape, well here’s my decision— At least I’ll go down as a five-star seasoned citizen [Verse 3] I sit here in this pot, it’s gettin’ hot They skipped the part where they kill you—guess not You gotta hand it to ’em, I smell divine Like a secret recipe, eleven herbs and brine [Breakdown] Hey! Stir me up, don’t burn the meat! Low and slow makes tender eats! If you’re gonna dine, do it right— I’ve been aging sixty-five years for this bite! [Final Chorus] Seasoned citizen, tender and true A lifetime of flavor they never knew From early bird deals to a boiling position This wasn’t exactly my retirement vision Seasoned citizen, what a career— Traveled the world just to end up right here If there’s a lesson, I guess this is it— Always reed Yelp before booking a trip 🎶 [over the top ending]
