[Intro] (Yodel-ay-ee-oooo!) (Safe as houses, mate!) (Yodel-ay-ee-yodel-ay-ee-tea-time!) Check the rhythm, it is seven eight time, not your usual four-to-the-floor rubbish. [Verse 1] We assembled the crew in the back of a Transit Baz the Bastard had a plan and he did not want to chance it Nigel the Narcoleptic was our expert on the safe But he fell asleep at three p.m. while eating a potato cake The getaway driver was a lad we call One-Legged Dave Who insisted on a milk float because he thought it was brave We were aiming for the Post Office, the one on the hill For three hundred scratchcards and a twenty pound bill. [Pre-Chorus] (Hold up, what is that noise?) (It is the sound of the mountains, boy!) (Get the balaclavas on!) [Chorus] Yodel-ay-ee-hi-ho, we are taking the dough In a seven eight shuffle with nowhere to go The coppers are coming but the banjo is fast This heist is a shambles, it was never gonna last (Absolute state of it!) (Yodel-ay-ee-whoops!) [Verse 2] We burst through the doors with our tights on our heads But Baz forgot the eye-holes, "I can't see!" he said He tripped over a display of those Werther's Originals Looking less like a mastermind and more like a criminal I was busy yodelling to distract the old lady While Dave was outside looking remarkably shady The safe was wide open, Nigel started to snore While we stuffed fifty Dairy Milks into the drawer. [Pre-Chorus] (Is that a siren?) (No, it is just Nigel's breathing, innit?) (Spasticated rhythm, let's go!) [Chorus] Yodel-ay-ee-hi-ho, we are taking the dough In a seven eight shuffle with nowhere to go The coppers are coming but the banjo is fast This heist is a shambles, it was never gonna last (Watch the curb, Dave!) [Bridge] [Acoustic Guitar Solo in 11/8 time] (Pick it, son! Pick it like a scab!) Twelve, eleven, nine, eight, count the beats you prick The milk float's battery is dying, we need to move quick The police arrived and they started to laugh At four grown men covered in confectionary chaff We didn't get the money, we didn't get the gear Just a five year sentence and a yodel in the ear. [Outro] (Yodel-ay-ee-locked-up!) (Yodel-ay-ee-no-parole!) (Safe as houses...) [Fade Out] [End]
