[Intro] [Swift instrumental] [Verse 1] Dear Satan, I wrote you this note, I want a big red sled and a fluffy coat. (Wait… did you mean Santa?) No, I wrote it real clear, With my crayons in red... he should get it, my dear! [Chorus] Dear Satan (Satan??), I’ve been good all year long! I did my chores and sang my songs So why’s my stocking on fire? (It’s on fire?!) Dear Satan (Oh no), Can we try again next year? Just don’t bring the pitchfork It fills me with fear! [Verse 2] I asked for a puppy and a shiny toy truck, But instead, I got a goat who’s always running amok! (That’s a demon, sweetie…) He’s got horns and a tail, And I’m starting to think this delivery failed! [Chorus] Dear Satan (Satan??), I’ve been good all year long! I didn’t mean to summon you This must be all wrong! Dear Satan (Oh no), Can you send Santa instead? Because I don’t want coal I want cookies instead! [Bridge] [SFX: crackling flames, deep laugh in background] (Honey, is the floor shaking?) He showed up last night with a grin ear to ear, “I got your letter, kid... what a fine little dear!” (That’s… not Santa. Oh, sweet gods above…) Now my tree’s upside-down, and he’s trashed all my stuff! [Chorus, faster, chaotic] Dear Satan (Stop saying that name!), I think we got confused! I wanted a jolly man Not one that smells like a fuse! Dear Satan (Pack your bags!), Please just let Santa know, That next time, I’ll double-check the address for sure tho! [Outro] “Mom! The goat ate the Christmas ham!” (Sighs) “I’m calling an exorcist…”
