Intro Lesson (Ghislaine’s Setup) Come on! Gather round, let’s celebrate… Ghislaine Maxwell dropped the book, “The idea behind this book was simply to gather stories and old photographs… To jog your memory about places, people, and different events…” Lesson learned: memory jogged… and then some! Chorus (The Party Anthem – All Associates Welcome) Celebrate good times, come on! (Let’s celebrate!) Jeffrey’s fifty, what a ride, come on! (Let’s celebrate!) Trump, Clinton, Black, Wexner too – The whole crew knew exactly what to do! Celebrate good times, come on! (Let’s celebrate!) Wonderful secrets every day, come on! Lesson 1: The Trump Special (Naked Outline & Pubic Signature) Donald Trump sketched you a naked woman, curves so sweet, Signed “Donald” right down where the pubic hair meets! “Enigmas never age – have you noticed that? May every day be another wonderful secret!” Lesson learned: a pal is a wonderful thing… especially when he draws the full thing! Lesson 2: Slick Willie’s Wisdom (Childlike… Everything) Bill Clinton wrote it warm and wise, with that famous grin: “It’s reassuring, isn’t it, to have lasted so long… Still your childlike curiosity… the drive to make a difference… And the solace of friends… across all the adventures!” Lesson learned: adventures never end when you’ve got the Lolita jet on lend! Lesson 3: Leon Black’s Fishing Net (Blonde, Red or Brunette) Leon Black dropped the poem, love and kisses at the close: “A Liver, a Lover, a Jeff, a Jeffrey… Let’s all give a cheer, for today he’s Fifty!” “Blonde, Red or Brunette, spread out geographically… With this net of fish, Jeff’s now ‘The Old Man and The Sea’!” Lesson learned: reel ’em in, old sea dog – the catch is always free! Lesson 4: Wexner’s Gift (The Breasts Doodle) Les Wexner doodled two big breasts, bold as can be: “I wanted to get you what you want… so here it is!” he wrote with glee. Specially commissioned nipples, Victoria’s Secret style – Lesson learned: when you want it, Les delivers with a smile! Lesson 5: Pashcow’s Check (Fully Depreciated Delivery) Joel Pashcow drew the check for twenty-two-five grand: “Jeffrey showing early talents with money + women! Sells ‘fully depreciated’ [redacted] to Donald Trump… Even though I handled the deal I didn’t get any of the money or the girl!” Lesson learned: early people skills on fleek – what a great country, what a deal! Lesson 6: The Visual Masterclass (Massages, Tattoos & “Girl Friends”) Topless babes on the beach giving you a rub-down, One with “JE” tattooed right on her butt, spinning round. Nathan Myhrvold sent lions and zebras gettin’ it on: “More appropriate than anything I could put in words,” he swore upon. “Girl Friends” section: bikinis, lingerie, faces blacked out tight, Assistants in thongs – “Who Am I???” What a sight! Hand down the pants, thank-you notes that thundered – Lesson learned: the memories keep on giving, never understated! Bridge Lesson (Dershowitz & The Jet Set Crew) Alan Dershowitz mocked up Vanity Unfair: “Who Was That Man With Epstein? Flying to Africa with that obscure pol from Hope, Arkansas!” Wexner, Black, Myhrvold, Pashcow, Clinton, Trump, and Maxwell’s crew – Every associate knew exactly what to do! Lesson learned: the book was sealed… until Oversight dropped it in ’25! Final Chorus (Blow Out the Candles – Extended Party) Celebrate good times, come on! (Let’s celebrate!) First fifty years of secrets, massages, and nudes, come on! From Ghislaine’s gift to the files that still explode, You’re still very much alive… in every episode! Celebrate good times, come on! (Let’s celebrate!) May every day be another wonderful secret… Happy 50th, Jeffrey – now pass the island punch and blow out those candles (and everything else too)!
