[Verse 1] I live alone with my cat and my chair, And a lava lamp that just... kind of stares. I've got board games stacked, snacks on call, But what I really need is someone to… bop my balls. Not in the painful way, let me be clear, Just a quirky game of love, with good cheer! Twist it? Sure! Pull it? Why not? But please dear woman, give these boys a bop! [Chorus] Bop it! (Bop it!) Twist it! (Twist it!) Flick it if you're feelin’ bold! Yank it! (Gently!) Spin it! (Respectfully!) Let’s make memories... uncontrolled! [Verse 2] I tried online dating — what a mess! They all unmatched me after “Bop-it Ballz Express.” But I remain hopeful, I stay strong, With a sock puppet choir singing this song. I built a custom bop-it, shaped with pride, It yells "Nice shot!" when you hit the right side. My neighbors think I’ve lost my mind, But I just need a woman with free time! [Chorus] Bop it! (Come on!) Twist it! (With flair!) Score some points on my heart display! Shake it! (Why not?) Boop it! (Don't stop!) Just don't use a hammer... learned that the hard way. [Bridge – Spoken, over soft jazz solo] It’s not weird if it’s consensual. It’s not sad if you hum a tune while crying. And it's not desperate if you put googly eyes on the bop-it. …Okay maybe it’s a little desperate. [Verse 3] So if you’re out there, feeling brave, Willing to treat my manhood like a game, Step right up, let’s roll the dice, You might just find I’m kinda nice! And if not, well that’s okay, My bop-it and I’ll still seize the day. But life’s more fun when shared, my dear, Especially when your instructions are clear! [Final Chorus – Big finish] Bop it! (Hit it!) Twist it! (Lick it?) Push those buttons, girl, let's play! Smack it! (Politely!) Nudge it! (Excitedly!) And yell “HIGH SCORE!” when you walk away! [Outro – Smooth jazz fade-out] Just a man… and his dreams… And a weirdly shaped machine… Call me.
