Everybody Wants Nobody

[Verse 1] Ricky - hype, Gaston-style, pumping up Tony Gather round, gather UP, feast your eyes on Tony here — strongest arm, sharpest jaw, been the man for every year! Now the legend's off the map and the throne's up for a king — Suitors: and there's only ONE guy good enough to give our Penny that ring! Ricky: TO-NY! [Chorus] EVERYBODY wants Nobody's girl! The prettiest prize in the whole wide world! Ozzy's gone, so the door swung wide — who's gonna be the lucky guy at Penny's side?! EVERYBODY wants Nobody's girl! The prettiest prize in the whole wide world! Tony: TO-NY! who's gonna be the lucky guy at Penny's side?! [Verse 2] Tony - the brag I bench more than Achilles, throw farther than the Ag, I got trophies, I got jawline, I got everything to brag — Penny, darlin', dry those eyes, quit waitin' on a ghost — a girl needs a WINNER, and I win the very most! Suitors: HE WINS THE VERY MOST! [Pre-Chorus] Break the vase! Spill the punch! Somebody's in the pool! Nobody's here to stop us so we're actin' like a fool! Everybody wants Nobody's girl tonight — (Telly, buried in the crowd) — somebody PLEASE turn on a light—! [Chorus] EVERYBODY wants Nobody's girl! The prettiest prize in the whole wide world! Ozzy's gone, so the door swung wide — who's gonna be the lucky guy at Penny's side?! EVERYBODY wants Nobody's girl! The prettiest prize in the whole wide world! Tony: TO-NY! who's gonna be the lucky guy at Penny's side?! [Bridge] Penny - into the middle, cool, unimpressed (the music dips; the room leans in) You want to know who I want? Let me make it real clear — I've got a boy worth more than every one of you standin' here. He's shifty, he's clever, he's a hundred roads away — but he's the only one I'm waitin' for, so Everybody? (sweet) ...nah. (she flicks a cup out of Tony's hand) [Penny] 'Cause everybody wants Nobody— [Suitors] (confused) ...she wants nobody? [Penny] I want NOBODY — that's his NAME, you fools — and Nobody's worth all of you, plus the whole darn school. You can want me all you want, boys — dance and drink and shove — but Nobody's got my heart, and Nobody's got my love. [Final Chorus] Suitors: (oblivious, still raging) EVERYBODY wants Nobody's girl! Penny: (over them, firm) And Nobody's girl wants NONE of the world! All: Everybody wants Nobody — and Nobody wants Everybody — Tony: (grinning, not listening) ...so it's basically me. (a chandelier crashes. Blackout on the chaos.)