Splinterlands Customer Support Call Gone Wrong

Thank you for calling Splinterlands Customer Support! If you lost a battle due to bad RNG, press 1. If you lost a battle due to *really* bad RNG, press 2. If you want to speak to a human… …please reconsider. **SUPPORT AGENT (tired, monotone):** Splinterlands Support, this is Carl. What seems to be the problem today? **PLAYER (already yelling):** CARL. CARL LISTEN TO ME. My monster missed THREE TIMES in a row. THREE. TIMES. IN. A. ROW. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Okay sir, let me just pull up your battle log— **PLAYER:** NO. NO LOGS. NO DATA. I WANT JUSTICE. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Sir, according to the system, your opponent had Phase. **PLAYER:** I DON’T CARE IF HE HAD PHASE, PHOTON SHIELDING, OR A PERSONAL FORCEFIELD FROM THE GODS. I SHOULD NOT MISS THREE TIMES. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Sir… that’s literally how Phase works. **PLAYER:** WELL THEN REMOVE IT. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Sir, I cannot remove Phase from the game. **PLAYER:** WHY NOT?! YOU REMOVED MY WILL TO PLAY THE GAME. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Okay, I’m reviewing the replay… Yes, you missed three times. Yes, it was tragic. Yes, the entire support team is laughing right now. **PLAYER:** WHAT?! **SUPPORT AGENT:** Sir, respectfully, you attacked a five speed Phase monster with a magic unit from the front line. That’s like trying to punch a ghost. **PLAYER:** I WANT A REFUND. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Sir, Splinterlands is not responsible for your decision-making. **PLAYER:** I DEMAND COMPENSATION. GIVE ME A GOLD FOIL LEGENDARY. **SUPPORT AGENT:** Sir, the only thing I can offer you is emotional support. And even that is limited. **PLAYER:** CARL. CARL I SWEAR— **ANNOUNCER (smooth, confident):** Splinterlands. Where every battle is fair… …even when it absolutely doesn’t feel like it. **ANNOUNCER:** Play responsibly. Tilt irresponsibly.