[Latina female, Spanish phonetics] [Spoken] Escues me…. Aparentlee, ay haf been een-formed dat ay am “yusing Eenglish een-correctlee.” Whitch ees eenteresting… becos Eenglish has been yusing Eenglish een-correctlee for hondreds of years. Bot okay, Profesór. Less conversate. [Verse 1] He say, “Eets supposedly.” Ay say, “Supposably.” “Dat’s not a word.” Well, supposably…eet ees now. He say espresso, ay say expresso, eeder way de damn coffee make me “dee-stress-o.” [pause] Yu say “couldn’t care less.” Ay could care less. Maybe ay care a teeny beet, ay confess Yu don’t know me…. And why ees eet “more fun”? No. Fun. Funner. Funnest. Dees ees called efficiency. Yu’re welcome. [Chorus] Why Yu make Eenglish harder when ay make Eenglish funner? Yu got twelve damn grammer books, ay got tequila for de summer. For all intensive purposes, ay know exactly what ay mean. Yu can nip eet een de butt, Profesór, and stop correcting me. [pause] Yu say language has conventions. Ay say language has suggestions. And irregardless of yor feelings… Ay assept yor misconception. [instrumental break] [Verse 2] Yester-day ay wrecked some havoc, den ay towed de line. He said, “WRECK and TOE.” Ay said, “strange wording to know.” Eet ees a blessing een dasskies. He said. “Disguise.” Why would de blessing wear a costume? Esplain dees logically, “wise guy.” [pause ] Den he say… “eets a moot point.” Ay say “mute.” Eef de point don’t matter anymore, Why ees eet still talking!? Case and point. [pause] [Pre-Chorus] He got hees Oxford Dictionary, funny glasses on hees nose. Ay got absolutely no idea why dees bothers heem so. He says, “Words have etymology.” Ayyyyy, congratulations. Mine have per-sonality. [short instrumental] [Chorus] Why yu make Eenglish harder when I make Eenglish funner? Yu got syntax, ay got confidence. Guess whitch one ees funner? Ay wet my appetite, take things for granite every day. And eef ay’m at yor beckon call, den beckon me… “Hosé.” [pause] [Bridge: spoken argument] “Yu can’t say ‘very unique.’ Unique ees absolute.” Really? “Yes.” So yu saying… ees uniquely unique? No. Esseptionally unique? No. Esstremely unique? NO! Okay. Very unique. Jesus Christ! [pause] Don’t bring Heem eento dees, He spoke Aramaic. [instrumental break] [Beat drops] ATM machine. PIN number. Past history. Future plans. Unexpected surprise. Added bonus. Free gift. Close proximity. Completely unanimous. “Dose are REDUNDANT!” Ay prefer… linguistically generous. [short instrumental break] [Verse 3] Yu tell me “irregardless” eesn’t proper. Baby, sheck again… De ditchonary let me een de building. Now we both yor problen, fren. Yu say inflammable means flammable? Now who sounds insane!? Yu speak a languash where “dust” means remove eet AND put eet on again. Yu park on a driveway, drive on a parkway, Chipment goes by car, cargo goes by chip… and Yu correcting ME? Oh, dees ees unaseptable [pause] [Breakdown] Ay seen eet. Ay could have went. Me and her was dere. He stars twitching. Ay say, “Are yu okay?” He whispers… “Between yu and me.” Ay say… “Between yu and Ay.” [screams in distance] [Final Chorus] Eenglish [Latina female, Spanish phonetics] [Spoken] Eswould cube funner eef yu stopped protecting her. She’s been speaking een-correctlees e since yor great grandmother’s birth. She’s got silent K’s and GH’s doing absolutely nothing, “colonel” spelled like somebody fell downstairs while writing…. So, for all intensive purposes… Profesór, let eet be. Yu can keep yor perfect grammer… and conversate with me. [Outro: sweet spoken] And eets “expresso.” Because eet comes out fast. Dat’s just science! Mute point. Period, Profesór. Me and Eenglish have an alliance. [soft chuckle] (Haaa haaa haaaa)me….
