Today I'm mostly quiet Though they attempt to reach out My heart, can't handle the closeness I don't want to be noticed I struggle to speak Can't make eye contact Words struggle to breathe The social butterfly in me, is weeping Trying to fly off But being held from it's wings Close proximity Got me panicking No bond can be formed With me Cause I'm afraid of humanity Dreaming on, to avoid the agony Sleep walking through life To not notice the drought of social connections Avoidance, I can't help it Avoidance, the fear that floods my senses Avoidance, it's the only way to survive Avoidance, the isolating is the only way that I can handle living This mortal coil of mine Is nothing, but a cage That keeps me connected To the overwhelming pain I have to experience existing Because I was created There's no way to run I don't understand human relationships They make no sense to me I'm trying to understand The mechanism of the heart But that implies Getting hurt in the process Of acknowledging My human needs I'm better off pretending I'm a doll That lacks emotions Due to the trauma That formed psychological distortions Avoidance, I'm addicted to dreams Avoidance, disconnecting from reality Avoidance, a vacant existence Avoidance, blending with the background while breathing I was taught to fear I still can't forget That scars the scream When humans get too close to me Hurt, that won't go away Destiny, that gave shape to my negative perspective Tomorrow will never come For a wilting flower That is destined to turn to dust Barely clinging to existence If only I could push pass my limits Without being terrified If only I could trust The promise of a new day I wouldn't have to put up with so much suffering
