One Thrust Man: 0.5 The First Seal (The Prequel)

[Intro] I READ THE PAAAAAAAGE! [Verse 1] A shadow in the corner of a glowing room, The weakest soul awaiting impending doom. Just a NEET with a dream and a messy floor, And a $4.99 find at the discount store! The First Seal was sticky with a clearance sign, A forgotten relic for a mind like mine. No destiny chosen, no heavens involved, Just a bargain-bin secret I finally solved! [Pre-Chorus] Day after day, the repetitive strain, Mastering the motion through the sweat and the pain! A hundred reps 'til my limits fall, I think this stupid move is gonna end it all! [Chorus] I DON'T KNOW HOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WATCH THE BEASTS BEGIN TO DIE! THE MANUAL WORKED, THE SEAL IS REAL, I'M OVERWHELMED BY THE WAY I FEEL! A BARGAIN FIND HAS SAVED THE DAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKS THIS WAY! NO HERO'S BLOOD, NO ANCIENT PLAN, JUST A BROKE-ASS ONE THRUST MAN! [Verse 2] The monsters arrived with a scream and a roar, But I stepped out the frame of my apartment door. They laughed at my stance, they laughed at my style, But I've been training in the dark for a while! I let it go--and the beast just… dies? (Scoffing) Wait… this actually worked? (Laughs) Look at their eyes! It's not a legend, it's a bargain-bin steal, Nothing survives the heat of the Seal! [Bridge] "Wait... was that it? No transformation? No final monologue? I just... I just moved my arm once. (A slow, dawning realization) It's so fast. It's almost... *efficient.* Yeah. That’s it. It's just... efficiency.” [Final Chorus] I DON'T KNOW HOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WATCH THE BEASTS BEGIN TO DIE! THE $4.99 BREAKTHROUGH HAS WON, THE LEGEND OF THE ONE THRUST HAS BEGUN! I'M JUST A GUY WHO BOUGHT THE SEAL, NOW EVERYONE IS GONNA KNEEL! [Outro] Seriously? I... I should probably clean my room. Why did that work...?