(No—) (No— no—) Warn— warn— No warning. I was good. I was almost past it. Had you down to an old bad habit. Then you came back talking easy as ever. One look— and there went all of that practice. I kept it easy. Kept answers short. You said something I nearly ignored. You draw me in— I pull it back. For a second. Then I react. Half a thought. I’m too late. I felt myself answer before I could place it. You got close— I went still— all those weeks of progress suddenly theoretical. No warning. No warning— you hit me all at once. (No— no— warning.) No warning— and suddenly I want too much. I had distance. I had discipline. You get that close and neither one lasts long enough. No warning— no chance to adjust. I thought the reaction had finally worn off. I was fine right up until you weren’t gone. No warning. Not even one. (No— no— no—) Warning. (All— all—) At once. Want— want— Too much. (No warning.) You make a dumb joke that still hits where it used to. I hate that I laugh before I decide I want to. You move closer to hear what I’m saying. I lose the next line halfway through explaining. I could stop. I nearly do. Then the old reflex gets there before I move. One step back. What if it’s fate? And there it is— still intact, still in place. Half a thought. I’m too late. I felt myself answer before I could place it. You got close— I went still— all those weeks of progress suddenly theoretical. [hard silence] No warning. No warning— you hit me all at once. (No— no— warning.) No warning— and suddenly I want too much. I had distance. I had discipline. You get that close and neither one lasts long enough. No warning— no chance to adjust. I thought the reaction had finally worn off. I was fine right up until you weren’t gone. No warning. Not even one. Warn— warn— (No warning.) All— all at once. Want— want— Too much. You didn’t change. That’s almost worse. You came back ordinary and somehow made it work. Same easy timing, same “Mr. Charming”. Nothing dramatic happened. That’s what’s alarming. I’d gotten used to nothing happening when you crossed my mind, then you turned up acting normal and my thoughts got left behind. All the talking, laughing, talking, falling back into our ways, then my answer came out warmer than the one I meant to say. No warning. (No— no— no—) (Warn— warn—) All at— all at— ALL AT ONCE. (No warning.) Want— want— want— Again No warning— you hit me all at once. (No— no— warning.) No warning— and suddenly I want too much. I had distance. I had discipline. You get that close and neither one lasts long enough. No warning— no chance to adjust. I thought the reaction had finally worn off. I was fine right up until you weren’t gone. No warning. Not even one (No warning.) All at once. (No warning.) Too much. Had my distance— (distan— distance—) Had my discipline— (disci— discipline—) Then you— then you— Still works. (No warning.) I was almost past it. (Almost—) There went all of that practice. (No— no—) Warning.
