[Intro] Hoooooo-ooooh! [Cowbells] [Spoken] Ja! Up on ze mountain, vere ze snow is deep, ze air is thin, und thinking is… [Pause] Ach, I forget. Anyway I am Crabominable! Intelligent fellow. [Yodel] Holadi-holadio! Hodli-di-hodli-di-HEE! Holadi-holadio! Hodli-di-hodli-di-HOO! [Verse 1] I started vere warm breezes blow, Mit berries in trees und good food down below, But berries up high must be bigger, I know, So I climb toward ze mountain all covered in snow! No berries, just frost on ze stone, I say, Zey must grow farther up, no? A Hiker says Morning! while climbing alone, So I punch him aside and continue mein roam. Still no berry anywhere. Suspicious. Move on. [Spoken] Ze best berries are probably at ze top. Obviously. [Chorus] Up through ze mountain, wherever I go, Every strange problem somehow starts to show, I find ze answers eventually, Because I am clever. Obviously. [Yodel] Holadi-holadio! Hodli-di-hodli-di-HEE! Holadi-holadio! Hodli-di-hodli-di-HOO! [Verse 2] A Trainer throws Pokémon, shouting battle, I punch ze Trainer and hear his teeth rattle, He screams, Not me! Fight ze Pokémon! [Spoken] Ridiculous. You challenged me. His Pokémon growls and comes charging at me, So I punch it as well. Now victory two, see? Trainer says, Zat is not how battles should be! [Spoken] Zen explain ze rules before shouting battle. Confusing sport. [Yodel] Hodli-di-hodli-di-HAA! Holadi-holadio! Hodli-di-hodli-di-HEE! Holadi-holadio! [Verse 3] A Youngster is crying, Mein balloon flew away! I look at ze sky. Easy! Okay! I punch little Youngster straight into ze sky— [Spoken] Now he can catch it. … Why is everyone screaming? [Verse 4] A Fisherman tells me, Stay off of ze dock! So I punch through ze boards with a thunderous knock, Ze whole wooden platform falls onto a rock, [Spoken] Problem solved. No dock. His Magikarp flops while he screams from ze shore, I grab little fish and I punch it once more, He yells, Why hit Magikarp?! What was zat for? [Spoken] He vas already flopping. I helped. [Brag] You know who I am? I spell it for you. C! R! A! B! O! … M? No. C-R-A-B-O… N? Wait. O? [Pause] Ach. [Shout] CRABOMINABLE! See? Perfect. [Yodel] HOLADI-HOLADIO! HODLI-DI-HODLI-DI-HAY! HOLADI-HOLADIO! HODLI-DI-HODLI-DI-HOO! [Verse 5] I walk in Poké Center, Nurse Joy looks quite mad, Half of ze people you punched are in here, you bad— Zen she looks at mein claws and her anger goes bland, She sighs, You’ve been punching all day… Show me those hands. [Beat cut] [Spoken] … Oh. She wants to fight. PUNCH! [Verse] Ze room goes silent, zen everyone shouts, Orderlies grab me and throw me out, Chansey stands glaring mit arms folded tight, Now she won’t talk, whether be day or night. [Spoken] She said, Show me those hands. I showed her. Clearly. [Verse 6] A Team Skull Grunt says, Give me your cash! I punch him so quickly he drops all his stash, His partner says, Bro! I punch bro with a crash, Zen Jenny arrives after hearing ze smash. She says, Sir, stop punching! I answer, But why? Zese criminals were doing crime nearby. She reaches for handcuffs. Suspicious. Nice try. I punch ze handcuffs, Zen wave her goodbye. [Yodel] HOLADI-HOLADIO! HODLI-DI-HODLI-DI-HAY! HOLADI-HOLADIO! HODLI-DI-HODLI-DI-HOO! [Verse 7] A Breeder says, Careful! Zere’s Eggs in zis sack! I stop mein big fist and I pull mein arm back, He smiles and says, Good! You understand zat! [Spoken] Of course. I am not stupid. Eggs are indestructible. So I punch ze Breeder. Much safer attack. He lands in a bush screaming, WHAT WAS ZAT?! [Verse 8] At Lanakila, I finally arrive, Half frozen, but somehow alive, A Veteran tells me, Young crab, you have drive. I punch him. Compliments lower survival. I grow bigger claws and ze fur becomes white, Everyone says I look ready to fight, A wild little Sneasel comes into mein sight— I punch it. At last! Something I punched that was right! [Bridge] [Spoken] Trainer asks, Crabominable… have you considered zat perhaps you misunderstand things? [Pause] … I understand. You misunderstand me. [Beat hit] PUNCH! [Final verse] On ze way down, I see Hiker once more, Same beard, same backpack, same boots before, He screams, Please, not again! backing from ze floor— [Spoken] Suspicious. He looks just like ze first one. [Verse] Same face, same hat, same little coat, Clearly a clone sent to block mein route, He cries, IT IS ME! [Pause] Ah. Clone knows ze quote. [Beat cut] Surprise attack. PUNCH! [Final chorus] Big hairy genius in ze snow, Every solution is simple, you know! People call me stupid, but zat cannot be, If I vas stupid, I would know, obviously! [Pause] Ja. [Final yodel] HOLADI-HOLADIO! HODLI-DI-HODLI-DI-HEE! HOLADI-HOLADIO! HODLI-DI-HODLI-DI-HOO! [Outro]
