I was sittin’ on a porch swing orbiting Saturn With a raccoon hummin’ Merle in reverse My boots were full of oatmeal thunder And my shadow owed me twenty-five cents Grandma’s couch turned into a sailboat Floatin’ through a gravy-colored sky I tried to butter a telephone pole But the biscuits kept askin’ me why My dog was wearin’ aviators Talkin’ ’bout quantum pie The ceiling fan was preachin’ sermons ’Bout a peanut butter afterlife I’m so high I forgot how to open a cookie jar Spinnin’ like a disco tumbleweed under a neon star My brain’s doin’ donuts in a Mason jar With a banjo made of jelly and a possum in my car Oh Lord, I can’t remember who we are I’m so high I forgot how to open a cookie jar The cornfield turned to corduroy And the scarecrow winked at me Said, “Son, reality’s a suggestion, Pass that gravy tree.” There’s a polka-dot preacher on a tractor beam Sellin’ rhinestone air My belt buckle’s hummin’ Conway Twitty And my hair is growin’ prayer The jukebox melted into honey Poured out Patsy Cline My truck’s got feelings now And it’s cryin’ in 3/4 time I’m so high I forgot how to open a cookie jar Arguin’ with a lava lamp about who we think we are My boots are tap-dancin’ in a pickle bar While a cactus sings falsetto to a steel guitar Oh mercy me and bless my heart I’m so high I forgot how to open a cookie jar Now listen… The cookies ain’t locked. The jar ain’t stuck. It’s just… circular authority, man. You ever notice the lid’s just a suggestion? Like taxes… or pants… I’m so high I baptized a Pop-Tart In a creek behind the barn My reflection’s wearin’ fringe and spurs And smellin’ like Lucky Charms There’s a goat on the roof with a tambourine Yodelin’ at the moon And I’m wrestlin’ existential dread In a hot-air balloon saloon Oh Lord, spin me like a county fair Launch me past the Milky Way If somebody finds my dignity Tell it I’ll be back Tuesday ’Cause I’m so high I forgot how to open a cookie jar… And I think the jar just opened me.
