SOFT SERVE EVAN

Intro – playful mocking tone] Evan… Buddy… You meltin’ again or what? [Verse 1] Softer than soft serve in July His brains made of cottage cheese and he just shouts REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Controller in hand, Call of Duty all day and night But can’t chop a carrot for soup to save his life Clock on the wall but it’s three hours wrong He’s confused if it’s day or night so he goes to 711 to pee himself so he can beat the heat — also he’s NOT gay at all ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] REMEMBER — HES NOT GAY — he’s just uptight about timing — He wants to get to the sports game if he misses a minute he’ll without doubt SHIT his pants like he’s on my white couch again ⸻ [Chorus – chanty, funny] SOFT SERVE EVAN—MELT IN THE HEAT— HES NOT GAY CAN’T KEEP TIME, CAN’T COMPETE CALL OF DUTY GOT YOU IN A TRANCE— REAL LIFE COMES—YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE SOFT SERVE EVAN—SPINNING AROUND CRYING OVER BETS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND FANTASY LEAGUES? YOU DEAD LAST AGAIN STOP TRYING BRO—JUST BE A FAN ⸻ [Verse 2] Sports bets lost— again and again— wait it’s a win - let’s bet the house — But lemme remind you he’ll never drink again — Fantasy football? absolute trash Baseball too? yeah double the crash Also he has bad taste in ethnic foods ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] Smash Bros night—here he comes Picking Samus like he’s actually someone Running away with the same old strat Long range spam—yeah we all seen that— he’s not even good and don’t even realize that he’s only able to stay alive with that one character and I mean it — any other match up and he’s cooked on a spit ⸻ [Chorus – louder, more chaotic] SOFT SERVE EVAN—RUNNING AWAY SPAMMING SHOTS ALL DAMN DAY WITHOUT ITEMS YOU’D NEVER WIN WE ALL KNOW—DON’T PRETEND SOFT SERVE EVAN—BIGGEST BABY ALIVE SOREST LOSER IN THE UNIVERSE WIDE LOSE ONE GAME—HE STARTS TO COOK “THAT WAS CHEAP!”—MAN READ A BOOK ⸻ [Bridge – funny introspective jab] All up in his head, overthinking life Google searching things at 3 AM at night “Wait… what does non-binary mean?” “Am I one of those?”—bro what you mean?? Spiraling thoughts, but no direction He confused again but he’s NOT GAYYYYYYYYYY ⸻ [Breakdown – chant / roast] STOP PICKING SAMUS STOP RUNNING AWAY STOP BLAMING EVERYTHING YOU LOST—OKAY?? HES NOT GAYYYY ⸻ [Final Chorus – big, ridiculous] SOFT SERVE EVAN—MELTING AGAIN CAN’T KEEP TRACK OF TIME LIFE MOVES FAST—YOU MOVING SLOW STILL IN THE LOBBY LIKE “WAIT, LET’S GO” SOFT SERVE EVAN—KING OF THE WHINEY BABY SPEAK ALWAYS NOT GAY BUT RIGHT ON TIME TO COMPLAIN WHEN THINGS DON’T HIT BUT DEEP DOWN WE KNOW—YOU LOVE THIS SHIT ⸻ [Outro – laughing fade out] Evan… Set your clock right, bro… And maybe… just maybe… Try a different character 😂 HES NOT GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHEEEHHHHHHHHHYAYYYYYYYYYAHHHHHHH