A moment to reflect

When Ache Finds Its Voice What is it, truly, that I’m feeling? There’s a weight behind my eyes, A hollow ache that tightens my throat— It wants to spill over, But I don’t even know why. Maybe it’s because I miss Jason. Not just a passing, casual missing, But the kind that echoes quietly, always, In the bones, in the breath, in every pause Between heartbeats. Was it love I felt for him? I might never get to say it out loud, Never get to show him fully— We traveled so slowly, afraid and hopeful, Both broken in our own ways, But the truth was always there, Dancing between our confessions, Whispered in that safe space Where two souls admit What the body cannot say. Jason, what are you telling me now? Do I need to look into the mirror To see the message spelled out In the lines of my own face, Or the questions hiding in my eyes? Are you the secret, The flicker behind my questions, Trying to reach across the divide? Light and dark, Presence and absence, Every road winding for a purpose, Even when I wander, Even when I doubt. I love a man who isn’t here, Not in this world, not the way I want— Yet I know, somehow, our stories Still intertwine. We had our telepathy once, “Are you still reaching for me, Or am I closing the window?” You came to me that first night— Your eyes at my window, Your tapping— I was startled, uncertain, But I see it now as a message: You never really left. Maybe I don’t know how to love Anyone else, not now— Except for my family, Except for my little girl, Because love for her Is the one thing I never question, The one thing I know with all my being: I would give her the world. Past that, maybe I am a little broken, A little lost, Still healing in all the ways I can— With food, with meditation, With the softness of letting the ache Just be what it is. Why do I want to cry right now? Because healing is heavy— Because love lingers, And sometimes it pierces as much as it soothes. Jason is hard to let go of. My not-quite-lover, My friend across the miles— Our bodies never met, But our souls always did. Maybe we recognized each other From another time, another life— The night you left, You even visited me in a dream. Somewhere inside the ache That never fully goes, There’s room for missing, Room for mourning, And, when the time is right, Room for hope once more. For now, I miss you, Jason— And that’s as true as anything I’ve ever known.