[Intro – Spoken, deadpan male voice, single guitar chord] "Who broke this thing?" "Me? I just got here!" [Short drum fill] [Verse 1 – Playful rock groove, cheeky male vocal] The coffee's on the ceiling, There's a footprint on the door. The TV's in the bathtub, And the cake is on the floor. You're asking what has happened, I'm as shocked as you can be. And yes, that's chocolate on my shirt— But don't you look at me! [Pre-Chorus – Rising guitars, playful tension] I didn't touch it! I didn't know! I only came to say hello! [Chorus – Big sing-along, gang vocals, handclaps] It wasn't me! It was like that! I just walked in—imagine that! I didn't touch it! I didn't see! So why's everybody blaming me? It wasn't me! I swear it's true! I haven't got a single clue! Don't ask me why, don't ask me how— It was already broken anyhow! [Verse 2 – Bouncy rhythm, sarcastic delivery] The printer's making funny sounds, The screen has turned bright blue. The boss says, "What the hell is this?" I say, "It's nothing new!" I only pressed one button, Well, maybe two or three. And if the whole damn network's down, It surely wasn't me! [Pre-Chorus – Group backing vocals] Nobody told me! How should I know? It worked just fine an hour ago! [Chorus – Full band, louder gang vocals] It wasn't me! It was like that! I just walked in—imagine that! I didn't touch it! I didn't see! So why's everybody blaming me? It wasn't me! I swear it's true! I haven't got a single clue! Don't ask me why, don't ask me how— It was already broken anyhow! [Bridge – Music stops, spoken dialogue, comic timing] "Who ate the last piece of pizza?" "Not me!" "Then why is the box in your room?" "I was keeping it safe!" "And why is there cheese on your face?" [Pause] "That's a completely different case!" [Big drum hit, laughter, guitars kick back in] [Verse 3 – Faster delivery, escalating excuses] The car has got a dent in it, The garage door won't close. There's something in the washing machine That used to be my clothes. The dog looks rather innocent, The cat just walks away. I think we ought to blame the wind— It's been quite strong today! [Final Chorus – Double chorus, crowd shouting along] It wasn't me! It was like that! I just walked in—imagine that! I didn't touch it! I didn't see! So why's everybody blaming me? It wasn't me! I swear it's true! I haven't got a single clue! Don't ask me why, don't ask me how— It was already broken anyhow! [Outro – Instruments stop one by one, spoken] "Alright... maybe I touched it." [Pause] "But it was broken BEFORE that!" [Final loud gang shout] "IT WASN'T ME!" [Hard stop]
