[Intro] (Absolute shambles) (Mind the gap, mate) [Beat Drops with heavy bass and a distant siren] [Verse 1] Woke up at Nine Forty Five with a crusty eye Realised I’d slept through seven alarms, I’m gonna die Bolted out of bed, tripped on a stray plug Face-planted the floor, shattered my favourite mug I’m bleeding from the forehead, looking like a budget slasher Staggered to the loo for a quick morning splasher But the pipes have gone mental, water’s brown and smelling like rot Now there’s a fountain of sewage spraying everything I’ve got [Chorus] (It’s just one of those days) When the world decides to take a massive dump on your head (The absolute state of it) Better off staying in bed, wishing you were dead instead [Verse 2] [Fast Rap] No time for a shower, wiped my armpits with a wet wipe The cat’s been sick in my trainers, yeah, that’s the hype Slid them on anyway, squelching down the high street Bird shat on my shoulder, white streak, nice and neat Reached for the bus, but the driver saw my face and sped up Splashed me with a puddle of grey slush, now I’m fed up My trousers are soaked, looking like I’ve pissed myself twice And my crotch has developed a rash that’s far from nice [Chorus] (It’s just one of those days) When the world decides to take a massive dump on your head (The absolute state of it) Better off staying in bed, wishing you were dead instead [Verse 3] [Beat slows down, gritty and claustrophobic] Finally got to work, three hours late, looking like a swamp thing Boss is standing there, screaming about some internal briefing I tried to explain, but a wet fart turned into a disaster Warm liquid in my denim, I need a priest and a plaster In the middle of the meeting, my zipper decided to snap Exposed to the board, a tragic map of my own trap The CEO’s crying, HR is calling the police I just want to vanish, I just want a moment of peace [Bridge] (Total collapse) (Everything is on fire) (Why is it still getting worse?) [Verse 4] [Aggressive delivery] Walked home in the rain, lightning struck my only umbrella Met my ex-wife’s new man, a Six Foot Seven handsome fella He laughed at my state, I tried to swing and I missed Fell into a bin full of needles and I think I’ve got a cyst Got home to my flat, the door’s been kicked in by the bailiffs They took the telly, the toaster, and my collection of kay-leafs Sat on the bare floor, Four Hundred pounds in the hole While a stray dog enters and starts licking my soul [Outro] (The absolute state of it) (Give it up, mate) (Zero out of Ten) [Sound of a single, pathetic party blower] [Fade out with the sound of a toilet flushing]
