[Intro] [Tight dry funk-rock drum break, walking slap bass groove] [Scratchy wah-pedal guitar chords establish a swaggering tempo] [Verse 1] [Rhythmic rap-rock flow with sarcastic Irish cadence like Danny O'Donoghue] Don’t tell me to align my chakras before ten in the morning I stepped on a rusty nail and received zero prior warning Coffee machine is sputtering sludge like a radiator valve There isn’t an essential oil or aromatic botanical salve That can remedy the idiot double-parked on my driveway kerb I am cultivating a foul demeanor that I’d prefer not to disturb [Pre-Chorus] [Bass line tightens, hi-hats sizzle, vocal pitch climbs cynically] Keep your toxic optimism parked across the street Don’t hand me a motivational badge while I’m on my feet Some days you don’t need sunshine or a silver-plated ring You need thirty solid minutes to despise every single thing! [Chorus] [Big explosive brass stabs and overdriven guitar riff, punchy beat] Yeah, there’s grumpiness required! The circuit board is fried! I’m shutting down the welcome desk and checking out inside! Wipe that plastic pageant grin clean off your shiny mug I’d rather drink salt water than accept a forced-up hug! Leave the storm clouds hanging, leave the thunder in the wire Today I’m warming up my hands beside a petty little fire! [Verse 2] [Half-time swagger, dry snare punch, rapid-fire rhythmic flow] Inbox dinging at ninety decibels with corporate etiquette "Hope this email finds you well"—well, it certainly hasn't yet They want seventy percent more output for a thirty percent discount While the ledger in my sanity exhibits a negative amount I gave my two-weeks' worth of politeness away by Tuesday noon Now I'm howling at the ceiling like a dog beneath the moon [Pre-Chorus] [Drum roll accelerates, distorted bass slides, vocal rasp sharpens] Don't quote the zen philosophers who never paid a toll Who never sat in gridlock traffic with a fracture in their soul Step backward three whole paces, let the righteous temper vent Before I bill your enterprise for every hour spent! [Chorus] [Wall of guitars, brass blast, shout-along gang vocals on key lines] Yeah, there’s grumpiness required! The circuit board is fried! I’m shutting down the welcome desk and checking out inside! Wipe that plastic pageant grin clean off your shiny mug I’d rather drink salt water than accept a forced-up hug! Leave the storm clouds hanging, leave the thunder in the wire Today I’m warming up my hands beside a petty little fire! [Bridge] [Beat strips down to a kick and handclap, spoken-word sarcasm with vocal slapback] I’m not depressed, alright? I’m discerning. There is a massive distinction between weeping and burning. Sometimes an honest scowl is the only hygiene left to save. [Full band returns with heavy syncopated crash cymbals] So get out of my quadrant! [Verse 3] [Fast rap cadence, Mark Sheehan style chopping guitar scratches] Sun is coming through the blinds, looking way too damn proud Birds out in the hedgerow singing excessively loud I’m putting on the kettle, locking both the deadbolts tight Cherishing my foul mood like a medal of the night! [Chorus] [Maximum dynamic punch, roaring guitars, anthemic lead belt] Yeah, there’s grumpiness required! The circuit board is fried! I’m shutting down the welcome desk and checking out inside! Wipe that plastic pageant grin clean off your shiny mug I’d rather drink salt water than accept a forced-up hug! Leave the storm clouds hanging, leave the thunder in the wire Today I’m warming up my hands beside a petty little fire! [Outro] [Funky bass groove rides out, lead vocal chuckles] Leave a message at the tone... Actually, don’t leave one at all. Door's shut. [Abrupt dead stop on the snare rimshot]
