i didn’t trip i didn’t slip i chose the dark with open eyes i fed my hunger called it need let my body testify i knew the law i felt the pull and still i leaned into the lie my hands are red my mouth is clean i learned to speak and still deny wash me not gently not with time cut the rot out of my spine against you only have i sinned not the flesh but the will within break me open burn me through i don’t want life unless it’s you i hate this body i hate its voice every sin was my own choice kill the part that loves the chain or leave me here in honest shame my flesh keeps score it never forgets every pleasure paid in debt it speaks in urges not in truth and drags my soul where it has been i crowned my impulses as kings and wondered why i felt so owned i prayed for mercy with the mouth that built the altar to my bones don’t fix me don’t excuse don’t dress this wound as something new against you only have i bled every sin i let it live tear the altar from my chest i don’t want breath if it’s corrupt flesh i despise the thing i wake up in this skin that loves what poisons it separate me from the stain or teach my heart to fear your name i don’t trust my instincts i don’t trust my sight left alone i will choose wrong every time don’t call this weakness call it truth i am not safe unless i’m ruled if you remove your hand i fall not slowly not at all create in me a clean heart not a better habit not restraint not control kill the old man at the root i don’t want sin managed I WANT IT DEAD against you only have i stood guilty and seen and understood take this body take its throne i don’t want life on my own strip me naked of my excuse i want your will cut into truth if holiness means i’m undone then unmake me slowly until i’m one
