[Verse 1] Exhibit A: the bowl is half-full You call that dinner? The jury is dull I sit by the door with a prosecuting stare One raised paw says, “Fix the air” Exhibit B: your meeting begins I choose the laptop’s most useful angle and grin Not on the keyboard, not beside the screen Exactly where your deadline used to be I object to the vacuum, I object to the rain I object to that sweater touching my mane When language fails, I deploy the plea: A tiny help-me meow, then I flee [Chorus] I’m not needy, I’m conducting affairs I don’t chase you, I position my chair Every cold little glance is a cover I wear The evidence says I love you, I swear I rule this house with a flick of my tail Case closed, counselor, you’re under my spell Laugh if you want, but the verdict is true: I act like your landlord because I’m stuck on you [Verse 2] Exhibit C: midnight, your chest is the bed I place all my weight where your heartbeat is spread You call it purring; I call it a hum For the record, I knew you were coming undone I knead out the panic, then sharpen my claim Leave one perfect hair on your cleanest black frame Your hand finds my forehead; I act unimpressed Then lean half an inch closer than the rest No witnesses needed, the family all knows They laugh when I turn up my nose But when the house goes quiet and the hallway turns blue I patrol every doorway that leads back to you [Chorus] I’m not needy, I’m conducting affairs I don’t chase you, I position my chair Every cold little glance is a cover I wear The evidence says I love you, I swear I rule this house with a flick of my tail Case closed, counselor, you’re under my spell Laugh if you want, but the verdict is true: I act like your landlord because I’m stuck on you [Bridge] Call the witness: the blanket at two Call the witness: the sock that I brought to you Call the witness: my dramatic stare That says “I’m fine” while I’m standing there The court may adjourn, the lights may go low I’ll still know the places you always go And if I seem distant, detached, or aloof I’m only protecting the softest proof [Final Chorus] I’m not needy, I’m conducting affairs I don’t chase you, I position my chair Every sharp little glance is a cover I wear The evidence says I love you, I swear I rule this house with a flick of my tail Case closed, counselor, you’re under my spell Laugh if you want, but the verdict is true: I act like your landlord because I’m stuck on you [Outro] I just live here with you Yes, that’s all I do I just live here with you And I picked you
