[Spoken Intro] Behold the grand sorcerer of the basement. Armed with a mechanical keyboard and an overripe Hass. Tremble before my high-density fats. [Verse One] I sit in the shadows with mystic bravado Enchanting the flesh of a smashed avocado My magic is tragic, a dark desperado Who never leaves home and is pale as albino I am casting a hex on the popular chaps While plotting my vengeance on digital maps With toast in the toaster and crumbs on my laps I am spitting the venom that triggers the traps They laugh at the cloak and the staff that I hold But my guacamole is chemically cold [Pre-Chorus] (Mix it up, mash it down) The darkest magician in all of the town (Mix it up, mash it down) A king of the basement awaiting his crown [Chorus] I am the mage of the monounsaturated Severely depressed and completely frustrated My mystical powers are highly debated But my hatred for normal is deeply ingrained and dictated (Yeah, he is the Hass Wizard) Fear the green sludge from the heart of the blizzard (Yeah, he is the Hass Wizard) Swiping on screens like a cynical lizard [Verse Two] My rituals require a perfectly ripe And slightly expensive millennial type Of mystical fruit that I use for my gripe While complaining online with a furious swipe I summon the spirits of unread messages Wandering lost in the digital passages Filling my cauldron with sour advantages Hiding my tears in the folds of my bandages I have zero one friends and zero two dates So I weaponize breakfast to settle debates [Pre-Chorus] (Mix it up, mash it down) The darkest magician in all of the town (Mix it up, mash it down) A king of the basement awaiting his crown [Chorus] I am the mage of the monounsaturated Severely depressed and completely frustrated My mystical powers are highly debated But my hatred for normal is deeply ingrained and dictated (Yeah, he is the Hass Wizard) Fear the green sludge from the heart of the blizzard (Yeah, he is the Hass Wizard) Swiping on screens like a cynical lizard [Bassline Drop] [Heavy wobbly bass synth and frantic garage drums] [Glitchy vocal chops] [Bridge] They say I should socialize, go touch the grass But they do not know of the power I mass I sit in the dark with my magical glass And wait for the pitiful normies to pass My spells are a mixture of garlic and lime I am wasting my life and I am wasting my time But listen to this multi-syllabic rhyme The avocado mage is committing a crime! [Verse Three] Rapid fire pacing, my heart rate is racing The digital demons that I am embracing Are leaving a trail that the normies are tracing But I am the god of the basement they are facing A spell of the pit and a hex of the skin A battle of romance I never will win I scoop out the center and throw in the bin The remnants of joy and the remnants of sin [Chorus] I am the mage of the monounsaturated Severely depressed and completely frustrated My mystical powers are highly debated But my hatred for normal is deeply ingrained and dictated (Yeah, he is the Hass Wizard) Fear the green sludge from the heart of the blizzard (Yeah, he is the Hass Wizard) Swiping on screens like a cynical lizard [Outro] The toast is burnt. The magic has faded. (Just another lonely night) I am logging off now. [Fade out with heavy vinyl crackle]
