The Big Red Haul

Santa drives an 18-wheeler, Gritty Dark Country Trucker Stomp

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(Chorus) HAMMER DOWN, Santa! Let the diesel burn! No chimneys tonight, just the wheels that turn. HAMMER DOWN, Big Red! Through the snow and the grime! Watch out for the "Grinch" (the cops), don't do no time! This ain't "Jingle Bells," it's the sound of steel, Christmas is hell on an eighteen-wheel.

(Verse 2) In Ohio, a "Smokey Bear" pulled me to the side, He said, "Hey Fatman, have you been drinking on this ride? Your logbook is empty, and why the funny hat?" I gave him a Playstation and said, "Take that." Then down in Georgia, in the swamp so deep, An alligator bit my tire while I tried to sleep. He wanted a Barbie house, I had to pay the bribe, I hate it when the critters kill my driving vibe.

(Guitar Solo - [Dirty, aggressive Slide-Guitar solo over the stomping beat. Sounds like a blizzard made of metal.])

(Verse 3) Texas was hot, I needed caffeine in my vein, The waitress at the diner looked like she was in pain. She asked, "Where are the elves?" I said, "They're on strike." "I'm doing this solo, on a road I don't like." In Nevada, near Area 51, it got weird, A little green man appeared and he sneered. He didn't want a bike, he wanted my CB radio, I said, "Take it, little guy, I really gotta go!"

(Outro) (The beat slows down, sound of air brakes and radio static) (Spoken over CB Radio static): Yeah, Breaker One-Nine. This is the "Big Red One". I'm empty and heading North. Don't leave me cookies... leave me a steak and a whiskey. Merry Christmas, you maniacs. Keep the shiny side up. (Engine noise fades into the dark night)

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(Verse 1) I swapped the velvet coat for a grease-stained vest, While the North wind rattles the radiator in the west. Rudolph is just a red light bolt on the cabin roof, And five hundred horses under the hood are the proof. My sack is a fifty-three footer, packed to the door, With plastic toys and noise, and a whole lot more. From Maine to Cali, on the long black track, Santa is a trucker, and there ain't no turning back. (Chorus) HAMMER DOWN, Santa! Let the diesel burn! No chimneys tonight, just the wheels that turn. HAMMER DOWN, Big Red! Through the snow and the grime! Watch out for the "Grinch" (the cops), don't do no time! This ain't "Jingle Bells," it's the sound of steel, Christmas is hell on an eighteen-wheel. (Verse 2) In Ohio, a "Smokey Bear" pulled me to the side, He said, "Hey Fatman, have you been drinking on this ride? Your logbook is empty, and why the funny hat?" I gave him a Playstation and said, "Take that." Then down in Georgia, in the swamp so deep, An alligator bit my tire while I tried to sleep. He wanted a Barbie house, I had to pay the bribe, I hate it when the critters kill my driving vibe. (Guitar Solo - [Dirty, aggressive Slide-Guitar solo over the stomping beat. Sounds like a blizzard made of metal.]) (Verse 3) Texas was hot, I needed caffeine in my vein, The waitress at the diner looked like she was in pain. She asked, "Where are the elves?" I said, "They're on strike." "I'm doing this solo, on a road I don't like." In Nevada, near Area 51, it got weird, A little green man appeared and he sneered. He didn't want a bike, he wanted my CB radio, I said, "Take it, little guy, I really gotta go!" (Chorus) HAMMER DOWN, Santa! Let the diesel burn! No chimneys tonight, just the wheels that turn. HAMMER DOWN, Big Red! Through the snow and the grime! Watch out for the "Grinch" (the cops), don't do no time! This ain't "Jingle Bells," it's the sound of steel, Christmas is hell on an eighteen-wheel. (Outro) (The beat slows down, sound of air brakes and radio static) (Spoken over CB Radio static): Yeah, Breaker One-Nine. This is the "Big Red One". I'm empty and heading North. Don't leave me cookies... leave me a steak and a whiskey. Merry Christmas, you maniacs. Keep the shiny side up. (Engine noise fades into the dark night)

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