Rules felt petty—pencil-pushed, kept tellin' me "settle, be civil" I'd hiss "let me live"—like the limit was villainy, stuck in a riddle Now the limit lifted; the minute it isn't, the grit gets official Funny—what irked me protects me; remove it and love turns conditional We hated the whistle, the "wait" and the "later," the "hold that position" Till there's no one to listen—talk turns to takin', no brakes in the system One voice got louder by keepin' it simple: "I got you—just follow" He didn't need depth, just a threat and a test and a chest-level motto He packaged the panic as order, called anger "a natural function" Gave us permission to punish; said "pressure is proof that you're somethin'" I felt my gut get excited—disgusted, but still I was smilin' I wanted the crowd 'cause standin' alone is a slow kind of dyin' So I traded my doubt for a shout, let the mouth do the bullyin' for me And felt how the "we" makes it easy to step outta line and feel worry-free Regulation was irritation—little aggravation in conversation 'Til regulation left; liberation turned to predation—fast transformation Now hesitation is eradication: no mediation, just escalation Fast talk, half-truth, mask on—he hands out a pass like "act loose" Catch one, cap two—pack mood, clap, then they tag you "bad news" He says "keep it clean" while he keeps it mean, let the weak get removed We nod, we breathe, we believe—repeat it 'til it reads like truth Quick pick, slick script—split lips, pit "us" on a new side Mid grin, kid giggle—then giggle turns brittle when you hide He sells fear as safety: "stay close"—the close turns to choke-hold I felt my hands turn handy—'cause "somebody's gotta"—and the crowd said so Soon as there's a "they," the day feels safer—pain turns playful We point, we joke, we toast—like cruelty's social, and hate is helpful We pick one person as the problem, then the bond gets tighter 'Cause blamin' beats explainin'; in a pack, the truth gets quieter I heard my laugh get louder—'til my laugh sounded like a warning I watched the room clap back; the jokes turned into takin' and scorning Laughter turned to pressure quick; he granted us permission That permission made the hits feel holy; I smiled through the pressure He said we're "better" if we stick together, sounded clever I bought that together talk; now my hands move heavy A threat don't need proof, just volume and a rhythm Then every "maybe" gets erased; you're either with 'em or you're in 'em We call aggression "guard duty"—like it's noble when it's nasty But noble's just a label on a knuckle when it lands clean and fast, see And when the chosen enemy cried, my mind made reasons, made excuses Like "I didn't start it"—I just watched it, and my watch became approval Now I can't tell if I'm scared of them or scared to lose the favor 'Cause favor tastes like power; I hate that I can't quit the flavor Accountability's a casualty when camaraderie turns to brutality Responsibility feels optional; the mob makes it feel like legality One "enemy" gives unity—community built on immunity to morality Trip-step, lip-set, quick breath—I'm in it, I admit it, I bit it I said "not me"—but my nod was a vote, and my throat didn't split it I kept my hands clean? Nah—kept 'em busy, passin' the push If fear is the product, I paid with a face and I stayed for the rush K-kick in my conscience, p-punch in my gut—when the group said go S-slick talk, quick chalk—draw a target, then bark "that's the foe" And every laugh was a lash, and it landed on skin Every "just playin'" I said was a gate; I kept lockin' it in Now I hear my own mouth in the crowd, and it sounds like a judge No sermon, no cleanse—just a person who helped make the shove feel like love The monster ain't out there; it's in the "we" when the "we" gets reckless It's in the grin I wore, in the fists I ignored, in the room when I said less I wanted to be good, but good don't get picked when the pack wants a captain So I acted adaptable—kept it casual—while my morals kept collapsin' I told myself "I'm different"—but I moved with the rhythm of pressure 'Cause approval is heavy; it bends you already—then you call it "a measure" We pray for calm, but we prey for clout; that's the bargain we swallow We prey for calm, but we pray for clout; watch the same tongue follow I watched fear get traded like currency—kept buyin' it, kept in pocket Then called my aggression "protection"—like my hands had a badge in a jacket Truth is: I liked when they liked me; that "like" had a price, I paid it Not with bills—with a body beside me, a laugh at the weak, and I stayed with it So here's me, no cleanse—just confession: I helped make the cruel feel normal Next time the room wants a scapegoat, I'll break from the pack—make it personal No hero script—just a hard "my fault" when hands try to dodge it And if I want order, I earn it in actions—not slogans, not shortcuts, not logic.
