Spoiler alert

You know what? I was enjoying that. I was genuinely enjoying that. And then you opened your mouth. …Why did you open your mouth. I was sitting there reading, minding my own page Book one of a trilogy, completely engaged Two chapters in, invested, characters I loved You walked by, saw the cover, and then you shoved Every single plot twist down my unsuspecting brain "Oh you're reading that? Did you know—" and there went the pain The hero dies in book two, the villain was the friend The twist in book three? You gave me that too — and the end I sat there holding book one with nowhere left to go Knowing every secret that I wasn't supposed to know The mystery was gone, the journey was dead You detonated a trilogy inside my head I didn't ask. I didn't look. I didn't want to know. I was on page forty seven — FORTY SEVEN — of the whole show Three books. A thousand pages. Years of someone's art. Gone in eleven seconds. Thanks for breaking my heart. Spoiler alert — you ruined it, congratulations Spoiler alert — unsolicited information I didn't ask, I didn't want it, I didn't need the ending Spoiler alert — my will to finish is now pending Spoiler alert — you saw me reading and you spoke Spoiler alert — the mystery? Consider it broke I know who dies, I know the twist, I know the final scene Spoiler alert — you know what I mean Chapter two — the cinema, different crime same soul I dodged it for a week, avoided every scroll No social media, no trailers, no reviews Told everyone I'm going Saturday — no spoilers, those are the rules Friday night somebody texts — no context, no warning "BRO WHEN THE GUY DIES AT THE END" — good morning I stared at my phone for forty seconds flat Put it down. Picked it up. Still said that. Showed up Saturday, sat down, bought my snacks Watched the whole film knowing every single fact Every twist telegraphed, every death I saw coming The surprise scenes weren't surprising, the climax wasn't numbing The worst part? They thought they were doing me a favor "I saved you the shock" — oh thanks, I'll savor Two hours of confirmed information I already had You're not a friend, you're a walking spoiler pad Spoiler alert — you ruined it, congratulations Spoiler alert — unsolicited information I didn't ask, I didn't want it, I didn't need the ending Spoiler alert — my will to finish is now pending Spoiler alert — you saw me reading and you spoke Spoiler alert — the mystery? Consider it broke I know who dies, I know the twist, I know the final scene Spoiler alert — you know what I mean …There's a special kind of person. Who finishes a book. Or a movie. Or a series. And immediately needs to talk about it. To someone who hasn't finished it. Who is visibly in the middle of it. Holding it. Reading it. Watching it. And they look you dead in the eyes… …and they say… "Oh have you gotten to the part where—" Yes. Now I have. Thanks to you. I have. I've developed a system, a protocol, a code Headphones in, eyes down, spoiler avoidance mode Don't tell me the ending, don't hint at the twist Don't raise your eyebrows when a character gets kissed Don't say "oh just wait" or "it gets so good" Don't say "the sequel's better" — I know that you would Don't post the finale an hour after it drops Don't caption it with crying faces — just stops I've muted keywords, I've avoided fan pages I've eaten lunch alone for three consecutive stages Of a book series nobody knew I was reading Until you walked by and started proceeding To dismantle four hundred pages of suspense With a sentence. One sentence. Past tense. Eleven words. I counted. Eleven words is all it took. To ruin three books. ELEVEN. WORDS. Spoiler alert — I finished it anyway Spoiler alert — what else was I gonna say I knew every twist, every death, every scene But I finished it… …because despite you… …it was still incredible. …Don't tell me about the spin-off. …I'm begging you. …I just started it. …Please.