I'll make my own rules. I'll choose my own way. I'll decide what matters from day to day. If I can't be good by the rules they gave, I'll set my own standards and call myself brave. When I fall short, I'll lower the bar. I'll move what's right to wherever I is. If I can't reach the standard, I'll bring it down. Then I can feel good when no one's around. [Spoken, with a bitter little laugh] Funny how easy it is to feel better When you change the rules instead of yourself. [Music softens; the confidence begins to sound hollow] I used to feel guilty for doing what's wrong. Now I tell myself they were wrong all along. I don't need their judgment. I don't need their creed. I can make my own truth and believe what I need. But deep in the quiet, when no one's around, When all of my reasons can't drown out the sound, I still have to wonder, beneath all my pride: Am I finding the truth, Or just finding a place where my guilt can hide? [Long pause; piano alone] If all that I know is what I decide, How can I know if I'm wrong or I'm right? If I only believe what agrees with me, Will I ever find truth, Or just what I want to believe? [Transition — the voice loses its defiance] I don't want a lie that makes me feel good. I want to know truth, if truth can be understood. If there's Someone good, who knows what I need, I'll seek Him for truth, wherever it leads. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of my way. If You are there, Will You show me the way? THE SKEPTIC'S HONESTY [Dark, spacious piano; the voice is honest, no longer defiant] Maybe the skeptic sees something I missed. He won't call it real just because he insists. If God isn't real to him, let him confess; That's closer to truth than a faith he invents. For what good is pretending that I know You, If the life that I claim never comes through? I can say all the words, I can play the part, But words cannot give me a living heart. I don't want a faith that I only pretend. I don't want a story that helps me defend The life I am living, the person I've been. I want to know truth, even if it shows my sin. [Music grows still; the voice becomes reflective] I look at the dead; they cannot see. What can they do to make themselves breathe? What can the blind do to give themselves sight? What can the darkness do to create its own light? And what can I do, if my heart cannot see? What can I make that will make You real to me? I can search, I can question, I can long for the day, But I cannot give life to myself on the way. [Pause; a single piano note] I have no life in myself to give. I need something from You if I'm ever to live. I cannot make love from the heart that I own. I need what You give; I cannot grow it alone. THE TURNING POINT — I MUST RECEIVE [Whispered prayer; gentle piano, distant strings slowly emerging] So what can I do? Where can I start? I cannot command You to change my heart. I will stop pretending. I will stop the show. I will turn toward You, If You will let me know. I will wait on You. I will listen for Your word. Not the voice I wish to hear, But the truth I've never heard. If You have a promise, Speak it to my heart. I cannot make myself believe; You must give the faith to start. I cannot give what I have not received. I cannot make myself truly believe. I cannot produce what I need to possess. I need You to give what I cannot express. [Music pauses; a deep, gentle voice answers—not a theatrical voice of God, but a warm, intimate presence] You know the way. You know the end. You know the heart You mean to mend. You know the road I cannot see. You know the love You mean to teach in me. [The seeker answers, quietly] Then teach me to wait. Teach me to hear. Teach me to follow When Your way becomes clear. I cannot make myself The son I should be. I need Your life To live Your life in me. STAGE FOUR — TEACH ME TO WALK WITH YOU [Music opens gently; the first sense of peace in the song] I thought I needed rules To keep me from the fall. Then I thought I needed no rules, No voice beyond my own at all. But rules cannot give me The love that makes them true. And my own heart cannot lead me Into life with You. I need more than knowing. I need more than trying. I need more than saying That I believe while I'm denying. I need Your love to reach me. I need Your word to make me see. I need the faith You give, And the life You grow in me. [Strings rise; a soft female harmony enters] Jesus, You know the Father. You show me what a Son can be. You never lived to please Yourself; You lived in love and unity. Teach me to love the Father As You have loved Him from the start. Not just to obey His words, But to share Your loving heart. I cannot give what I have not received. I cannot live what I do not believe. So I will seek You, listen, and wait, Not claiming a life I cannot create. [Bridge — rising emotional intensity] NOW GOTO PART 3
