HOLIDAY CHAOS **I. The Departure** January with funeral face from the hangover after New Year's and existential stress We book non-refundable the most normal thing It doesn't fit with cows and roosters singing rural opera Maybe a hotel with pure infinite buffet marketing to sucker us in Brother-in-law shouts Not north, there's a universal flood Mom cuts him off Not south either, it's a tropical oven And we end up at the most hated spot on the map six adults sweating four kids family escaping Ay ay ay qué arte tiene mi tribu / Ay ay ay what art my tribe has **II. The Journey** We leave three hours late national tradition The little one loses his Buds natural talent The GPS puts us in a medieval alley and father-in-law says Is it much longer? I eat dinner and I'm mortal The niece vomits donuts sidereal festival I ate three for breakfast legal argument Service station cleanliness almost spiritual mom says This with the Seat Ritmo the usual the normal Ole mi abuela que lo sabe to / Ole my grandma who knows it all **III. The Arrival** We arrive at eleven we look for the infernal safe box Forgot the code for the keys elementary detail Twelve souls two bathrooms generational treaty Turns worthy of world diplomatic summit The little one asks for Happy Birthday at bedtime even though it's not his birthday total magical nanny My sister-in-law lost her flip-flops sentimental drama They were from the honeymoon trip I feel terrible Ay mi cuñá qué penita me da / Ay my sister-in-law how sorry I feel for her **IV. Apartment Life** Three days of pasta my sister master chef I make Russian salad with mayonnaise manual Brother-in-law returns from the supermarket like imperial hero beer olives potato chips heavenly loot The rural wifi falls at crucial moment Jurassic router with banal password We climb to the cemetery to find signal and grandpa tells jokes with spectral humor Qué listo es mi abuelo más gracioso no lo hay / How clever my grandpa is, there's no one funnier **V. Pool and Beach** Pool at seven global towel war Kids hunt nuggets with animal instinct Father-in-law discovers the bar closes on time He'd swear it was eternal open bar Aunt Paqui opines on WhatsApp nonstop Seven-minute audios to advise Don't drink from the tap she repeats incessantly while the Germans dominate military ping pong Ay mi tía Paqui ni bajo el agua se calla / Ay my Aunt Paqui, not even underwater does she shut up At the beach we load up like Pharaohs moving Fifteen-euro umbrella the shade to find The little one wakes up just as we arrive and mysterious sand in the swimsuit he'll store away My sister burns like a grilled prawn But it was factor fifty she swears with regret The young ones go for a cultural stroll Uncle Tito the mosquito ready for dinner Maldito Tito nos tiene fritos / Damn Tito has us fried **VI. Night and Drama** At three in the morning they knock to warn There's poop in the pool no one should swim At five they return with singular tattoo no one dares even to ask Day four mom cries epic total level Father-in-law threatens to leave theatrical tragedy The eldest swallows gum with mortal fear If you die says brother-in-law I'll give you a digital funeral Qué jodío es mi cuñao pero le queremos igual / What a pain my brother-in-law is, but we love him anyway **VII. Daily Chaos** Kids fight for the remote to change the channel The toilet paper absent decided to emigrate Family group Where will we end up Aunt Paqui answers Benidorm without thinking Que vivan las vacaciones de los que viven en los madriles / Long live the vacations of those who live in the Madrids **VIII. Return and Closing** Suitcases overflowing random forgettings Grandma forgets her cane souvenir of the place We arrive at night Monday wants to begin Father-in-law puts on the AC and lets it rule We sleep eight hours celestial miracle No turns no lines monumental rest Instant coffee tastes almost imperial and on Instagram "I'd go back" digital nostalgia The teen asks with criminal smile How many days until the summer chaos Sister looks at deals like commercial expert Brother-in-law proposes October long weekend universal enjoyment Ay cuñao inconsciente nos quiere llevar de puente / Ay unconscious brother-in-law wants to take us on a long weekend **IX. Epilogue** Seven days feel like century and second at the same time pleasing everyone mission to consider But annoying everyone we usually nail it trademark of the family clan My sister-in-law finds her lost flip-flops they were at home in their place Tonight there will be honeys without moon with true affection Ay mi cuñá con sus chanclas encontrás / Toa contenta de verdad / Ay my sister-in-law with her flip-flops found / All happy for real afection...
