[Intro – jaunty, slightly off-kilter lute strum, like the player’s still shaking off paralysis, quick foot-stomp rhythm kicks in] [Verse 1 – bright, self-mocking, fast and chatty] I stepped on the pressure plate, heard the click too late, Arrows whistled past my ear, nearly sealed my fate. The Thief said “I’ve got this one,” then fumbled the wire— Fireball trap went off, singed half his attire! We dove behind a pillar, coughing smoke and ash, Came up grinning stupidly—somehow we didn’t crash. [Pre-chorus – building laugh, everyone leans in] Dropped the magic sword in the ooze, watched it sink like lead, Pulled the lever labeled “DOOM”—opened the wrong door instead! [Chorus – rowdy, full tavern shout-along, mugs banging tables] But we’re still breathin’, still drinkin’, still here to tell the tale! Got no treasure, got no glory, but we didn’t end up pale! Another scar, another story, another round to buy— Life’s not grand, but we’re still standin’, and tomorrow we’ll go die… again! Hey-ho! Another round! [Verse 2 – faster, gesturing wildly, mimicking mishaps] The Wizard cast Fly on the Barbarian—forgot to say “up,” He shot straight into the ceiling, came down with a thump. Thief tried to disarm the chest, pulled the pin instead— Boom goes the mimic, teeth in my head! The Cleric healed the wrong leg—now my arm’s glowin’ green, But at least I can still lift this tankard… mostly, it seems. [Pre-chorus – quicker, half-sung half-laughed] Sold the +1 dagger for ale ‘cause we were broke, Bought a cursed ring on credit—now my left hand’s a bloke! [Chorus – louder, stomping, some folks standing on benches] But we’re still breathin’, still drinkin’, still here to tell the tale! Got no treasure, got no glory, but we didn’t end up pale! Another scar, another story, another round to buy— Life’s not grand, but we’re still standin’, and tomorrow we’ll go die… again! Hey-ho! Another round! [Bridge – brief slowdown, mock-serious tone, then burst back] They say the good ones die young, the smart ones stay behind— We’re neither, so we keep on goin’, half-mad and half-blind. Every trap we miss by luck, every foe we barely beat, Just means one more night of singin’— and one more chance to eat! [Final Chorus – massive, chaotic, arms linked, spilling ale everywhere] But we’re still breathin’, still drinkin’, still here to tell the tale! Got no treasure, got no glory, but we didn’t end up pale! Another scar, another story, another round to buy— Life’s not grand, but we’re still standin’, and tomorrow we’ll go die… again! Hey-ho! Another round! (One more time!) Hey-ho! Another round! [Outro – fading fast strums, one last big “clink!” of mugs, then a final shout] To the ones who tripped the wire… and lived to buy the next round!
