You told me I was "too emotional" when I called out your lies, said I was "overreacting" when I wouldn't apologize. You want me calm, collected, smiling through the disrespect, but the second I got volume, suddenly I'm incorrect. I'm "too sensitive" when I set a boundary you don't like, "too dramatic" when I won't just let it slide. You'll do whatever, say whatever, cross every single line, but I'm the problem when I push back, every single time. Oh, I'm too loud, too much, too angry, too intense? Funny how you never heard yourself, your violence makes perfect sense. You can rage and punch and slam doors, that's just "passion," that's just "real," but I raise my voice and suddenly my anger isn't valid, isn't real YOU WANT ME QUIET! YOU WANT ME SMALL! YOU WANT ME SWALLOWING MY RAGE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL AT ALL! TOO LOUD, TOO MUCH, TOO ANGRY FOR YOUR TASTE? GOOD! I HOPE IT KEEPS YOU UP AT NIGHT, I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON MY NAME! "Calm down" is code for "shut up, know your place," "You're being irrational" means "I don't like your face when you speak truth, when you demand, when you don't shrink or bend." You want a doormat, not a partner, let's just call it what it is, then. I'm "difficult" for having standards, "bitter" when I won't forget, "crazy" when I remember every promise you never kept. You gaslight, deflect, deny, it's all projection and defense, then call ME toxic when I finally build a fence. Oh, I'm too much, too sharp, too combative, too mean? You spent years dismantling me and now you hate the machine I built to survive you, the walls I had to grow but sure, let's talk about MY tone while you reap what you sow. YOU WANT ME QUIET! YOU WANT ME SMALL! YOU WANT ME SWALLOWING MY RAGE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL AT ALL! TOO LOUD, TOO MUCH, TOO ANGRY FOR YOUR TASTE? GOOD! I HOPE IT HAUNTS YOU, I HOPE YOU NEVER FORGET MY FACE! You said, "If you'd just asked nicely" I did. A hundred times. You didn't hear me. You said, "There's a better way to say it" There isn't. You just don't want to hear it. You want the message wrapped in sugar, soft and sweet, so you can ignore it while I'm kneeling at your feet. But I'm done performing. Done translating. Done making it easy. You want my anger pretty? FUCK. THAT. YOU WANT ME QUIET?! I'LL BURN IT DOWN! YOU WANT ME NICE WHILE YOU DESTROY ME?! NAH, I'M DONE WITH THAT NOW! TOO LOUD, TOO MUCH, TOO ANGRY, TOO REAL?! YEAH! AND I'M JUST GETTING STARTED YOU AIN'T SEEN WHAT I CAN FEEL! You wanted me quiet. Should've treated me better. Now you get to live with the noise.
