[Intro] Whoa-oh-oh-oh… We’re killing it today! [Verse 1] Clock hits eight, I’m logging in with a smile VPN says “nope,” spins for a while Update after update, everything’s slow My machine’s from 2017, but hey, we grow! Excel takes ten minutes just to open a sheet I just wanna code, but first I gotta meet Security blocks, can’t install a thing “Policy says no” – that’s the song they sing [Pre-Chorus] Boss walks by, says “Let’s sync up real quick” Another meeting about meetings, makes me sick [Chorus] We’re crushing it! (Crushing it!) Living the corporate dream! (Yeah!) Slow as hell but we’re moving fast VPN drops, but we make it last! Merge conflicts popping left and right Jira tickets written in the dead of night We’re crushing it! (Crushing it!) Everything’s just right! [Verse 2] Four different time-tracking tools, pick your flavor Gotta log it in all of them, do me a favor Middle manager loves to move those cards around “Update the status!” while the build is down Ticket says “Make it better” – super clear, thanks No acceptance criteria, just vibes and blanks I fix the bug, then merge breaks everything Conflict hell again, hear the whole team sing [Chorus] We’re crushing it! (Crushing it!) Living the corporate dream! (Yeah!) Slow as hell but we’re moving fast VPN drops, but we make it last! Merge conflicts popping left and right Jira tickets written in the dead of night We’re crushing it! (Crushing it!) Everything’s just right! [Bridge] We got KPIs, we got OKRs We got synergy bingo and value stars While the actual feature’s still sitting in “To Do” We’re optimizing process – that’s what heroes do! [Final Chorus – bigger, gang vocals] We’re crushing it! (CRUSHING IT!) In this paradise we built! Computers freeze, tickets vague Managers dancing while the deadline’s late! We’re crushing it! (Crushing it!) Say it loud, don’t be shy Corporate life is the best – no lie! [Outro] Whoa-oh-oh-oh… We’re killing it today!
