I was taught to be a man, so I learned to hide the pain, Smile pasted on my face while the IV filled my veins. My knees shook crossing the room, one hand against the wall, Still, everybody needed me, so I gave them what I had. I watched my whole life change beneath the hospital light, Lost weight, lost sleep, counted hours through the night. Chemo left a metal taste and fire beneath my skin, While she texted someone else, then swore there was nothing. I was fighting for my life; she was giving him her time, I was losing all my strength while she crossed every line. I needed her beside me, someone steady, someone true, But she left me with the sickness and the silence to get through. I’m a father first; my son looks up into my eyes, His small hand finds my fingers when I’m too tired to rise. So I tell him, “Daddy’s good,” though my voice comes out thin, Then wait until he’s sleeping before I let the fear in. I can’t let him see me crumble, can’t let him watch me fall, So I brace myself against the sink and breathe through it all. I carry pain in quiet places, where he’ll never have to see, Then show up when he calls my name, because he still needs me. ’Cause who catches the man when the man starts falling? Who answers his prayers when nobody’s calling? They say, “Hold the line, boy, do what you gotta do,” But nobody asks what holding it is doing to you. I’ve been sick, I’ve been broke, watched love walk away, Found out the truth between the scans and the pain. Still got a little boy who needs me every day, So I’ll rise from this floor, even if I have to crawl. Maybe being a man ain’t never breaking at all… Maybe it’s breaking… Then getting back up for the ones you love.
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