[Intro] (Upbeat, simple drum beat. A single bass note thumps.) (Spoken, monotone) My alarm goes off. It's 4:53 AM. It's raining. Perfect. [Verse 1] I bought the shoes with the carbon plate My GPS watch was 800 bucks, it's great I’ve got the socks that hug my calves real tight And the reflective vest that shines too bright I haven't eaten carbs since 2003 Except the week before a 10K, you see That's "carb-loading," it's a science, my friend It's a lifestyle, not just a trend [Chorus] We run! We run! We run! Because it's "fun!" It's "fun!" It's "fun!" My joints may scream It's all a dream We run! We run! We run! [Verse 2] I met my friends for coffee, well, after the "long one" We only talked about the splits we’d done My "VO2 max" is higher than my rent And my "shin splints" are a monument I analyze my pace, my stride, my heart-rate zone I lost two toenails, but I'm not alone It's a community, a glorious cult If you don't run, it's really your own fault [Chorus] We run! We run! We run! Because it's "fun!" It's "fun!" It's "fun!" My joints may scream It's all a dream We run! We run! We run! [Bridge] (Music gets a little more frantic, slightly discordant) Is it for mental health? Or just a sign of stealth-wealth? My knees feel like they're full of sand But I’m the fittest person in the land If I don't post my map on the app, did it even count? If I miss a day, the guilt starts to mount I'm not addicted, I can stop when I please I just... don't... want to... stop... (gasp) [Guitar Solo] (A very mediocre, slightly-out-of-key guitar solo that sounds like someone trying too hard) [Chorus] We run! We run! We run! Because it's "fun!" It's "fun!" It's "fun!" My joints may scream It's all a dream We run! We run! We run! [Outro] My doctor told me I should probably rest. (scoffs) What does he know? He doesn't even have a hydration vest. (Music stops abruptly)
