[Intro: Heavy, rhythmic 4-part vocal harmony stack, deep rolling 12/8 upright bass pulse] (Deep bass singer hits a low gear) Dum, dum, dooby-doo, yeah... (Tenors chime in tight) Ooh-wah, ooh-wah, shoo-bee-doo-wah... (Spoken with absolute confidence, chuckling) Good evening, everyone. Welcome back to the stage. The danes demanded another whack... purely for symmetry. Hit it, boys! [Verse 1] (Smooth, swinging crooner delivery) So a Dane walks into IKEA, tries to build a simple table, He looks at the instructions, thinking surely he is able. But he stares at four wooden legs and completely loses track, Because his brain can only count by twenty, fractions, and back! He yells he needs "half-fifths of twenty screws" just to make it stand, Then gives up on the furniture and says he needs a hand. He says, "Forget this flat-pack math, let's head out on the town!" (Backing vocals: "Let's hit the hottest clubbing scene before the sun goes down!") [Verse 2] (Leaning forward toward the audience, dropping the voice to a dramatic, winking whisper) But a Danish nightclub is a frozen Baltic coast, With a heavy wooden bat and baby seal on toast! What a clubbing scene, what a gastronomic sin~~ But the culinary nightmare is only just about to begin! [Bridge] (Lead singer, dropping to a dry, theatrical whisper) Because, Ohh~ by twenty-five, you get pelted with spice A bunch of seasoned veterans, if you're not wed, they might even do it twice~~~~ You turned your whole society into a coffee snack. Coated up in cinnamon, you cannot keep track. Four simple wooden legs, don't give it a wack, It's not a lego, (Backing vocals: It does not snap~~~) [Outro: Harmony fades down, instruments slow to a gentle roll] (Lead singer, crooning softly right into the capsule mic) We've never roasted someone twice, but here you go Denmark, Perfectly seasoned. Perfectly symmetrical. (All singers in tight, final punchy chord) Shoo-bee-doo-wah~~ [Final bass note drops low and cuts out instantly]
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