[Intro: drum machine break, scratches, crew shouts] Good morning, class! (Who are you?) I'm your substitute! (Awww!) Settle down, settle down, I got a plan! [Verse 1: MC one, old-school bounce] My name is Mister Pruitt and I'm here for just a day Miss Lopez had a dentist thing, or maybe ran away She left a folder on the desk, a sub plan typed up nice Page one says they're angels, page two says count them twice I call the roll and every kid becomes somebody new Four of them are Jayden and the fifth says Jayden two Kid in back says Miss Lopez always lets us out at ten Kid in front says that's a lie and starts to cry again Page three says keep Tyler off the stapler, circled twice in red Too late, man, Tyler stapled his own hoodie to the desk instead [Hook: call and response, crew shouts, scratches] Who got the sub plan? (We got the sub plan!) What's on the sub plan? (Page one says pray!) Do they ever listen? (Not today!) Is it almost three o'clock? (No way!) Sub plan! (Sub plan!) Read it twice Sub plan! (Sub plan!) Still no advice Sit back down if your name ain't Jayden! (Ho!) Sub plan, sub plan, survive the day! [Verse 2: MC two, trading lines with MC one] Page four says show the video, it's in the second drawer It's a DVD, the laptop's thin, there ain't no slot no more Smartboard wants a password, sticky note says ask Miss L Miss L is at the dentist, so I wish myself well So I teach it off the top, the Louisiana Purchase, live Bella says that sounds made up, and Bella, honestly, you might be right Then the hamster busts the cage, the hamster's name is Gravy Half the class is on the floor, the other half is going crazy Gravy's in the backpack of a kid named Quinn And somebody pulls the fire alarm, and here we go again [Speed Section: fire drill, stacked syllables, crisp and clear] Line 'em up and count 'em up, it's Jayden, Jayden, Jayden, Jayden, Bella, Marcus, Quinn, and a hamster in a backpack Out the double doors and down the ramp and past the cafeteria, the lunch lady is filming, the coach thinks he's a referee Every shoelace is untied and every hallway's a stampede, I'm a shepherd with a folder and a lanyard and a sweat stain Counting on my fingers, counting in the parking lot, I come up one short, and he's waving from the monkey bars [Flow Switch: triplet bounce] Tyler, come down, Tyler, come down, Tyler, the alarm was you, I know it, don't lie Got a stapler in the left and a pudding in the right and he's grinning like a mayor Waving at the fire truck, waving at the principal, waving like he won the election Honestly, the kid's got a future, I'm writing that down in the plan for Miss Lopez [Hook: call and response, crew shouts, scratches] Who got the sub plan? (We got the sub plan!) What's on the sub plan? (Page one says pray!) Do they ever listen? (Not today!) Is it almost three o'clock? (No way!) Sub plan! (Sub plan!) Read it twice Sub plan! (Sub plan!) Still no advice Sit back down if your name ain't Jayden! (Ho!) Sub plan, sub plan, survive the day! [Verse 3: MC one, slower, warm grin] Final bell, the room goes quiet like a church after a fight Bella hands a drawing up, it's me in a cape and tights And Tyler at the door goes, Mister Pruitt, you coming back? I said I'll think about it, kid, and I walk out to my car and laugh Left a note for Miss Lopez, typed it nice, the same old way Page one, they're angels. Page five, Gravy's with Quinn. Have a good day [Outro: scratches, crew shouts, break fades] Sub plan! (Ho!) Class dismissed! (Ho!) Tyler, give me the stapler. (No!)
