(DDMG DIVINE ON THE BEAT) [Intro — Deadpan Spoken Male Voice] If you want to be happy… Then don't be sad. If you want to be rich… Then go find some money. If you want to be healthy… Then don't be sick. If you want to be smart… Then know more stuff. [Verse 1 — DJ MomJean$, Dry Comedic Delivery] If you want to be successful, Then simply don't fail. If you want to be on time, Then arrive before you're late. If you want to lose weight, Then weigh less. If you want to get stronger, Then be stronger. If you want to sleep at night, Then don't stay awake. If you want to wake up early, Then wake up early. If you want to be tall, Then be taller. If you want to save money, Then don't spend it. If you want to find something, Then look for it. If you want to stop losing things, Then stop losing things. [Chorus — Catchy Chant, Bouncy Bass] If you want to be happy, Then don't be sad. If you want to be good, Then don't be bad. If you want to be rich, Then go get cash. If you want to move forward, Then don't go back. If you want to be first, Then don't be last. If you want to be right, Then don't be wrong. It's really not that difficult… I've been thinking about this for way too long. [Verse 2 — DJ MomJean$, Mock-Serious] Don't follow your dreams… Dream of being followed. If you want to make a fortune, Then make a fortune. If you want to make a million, Then simply make a million. If you want to find love, Then find somebody you love. If you want to stay single, Then don't get married. If you want to be famous, Then become famous. If you want attention, Then get some attention. If you want privacy, Then don't tell everybody. If you want silence, Then stop making noise. If you want peace, Then don't start a war. [Chorus — DJ MomJean$] If you want to be happy, Then don't be sad. If you want to be rich, Then don't be broke. If you want to be warm, Then don't be cold. If you want to be dry, Then don't get wet. If you want to be awake, Then don't fall asleep. If you want to be alive, Then don't die. Honestly… This advice is incredible. [Beat Switch — Heavy 808, Comedic Trap Drop] [EarleDivine — Deep Male Rap, Cocky Fast Flow] (Yeah! DDMG!) If you wanna get paid, better get you a check, If you wanna be fly, put a chain on your neck. If you wanna go left, don't turn to the right, If you wanna see the sun, better wait for the light. If you wanna be a boss, better own you a chair, If you wanna get fresh, put some clothes on and wear. If you wanna go viral, better get you some views, If you wanna win big, better make sure you don't lose. Hold up! (What?) If you wanna get rich, don't be poor! (Facts!) If you wanna go outside, find the door! (Go!) If you wanna get some sleep, close your eyes! (Sleep!) If you wanna tell the truth, don't tell lies! (Yeah!) If you wanna make hits, better make you a song, If you wanna be correct, better never be wrong. If you wanna hear Divine, better press that play, Just gave you life advice, that'll be fifty K! (Cash!) [Bridge — Deadpan Spoken Voice] If you want to go somewhere, Then go there. If you want to stay somewhere, Then stay there. If you want to know something, Then learn it. If you don't want to know it… Then don't learn it. If you want to change your life, Then change your life. If you want everything to stay the same… Then don't change anything. [Breakdown — Spoken, Awkward Silence] They told me, “Believe in yourself.” So I believed in myself. And then… I believed in myself again. Because apparently… That's how believing works. [Final Chorus — Both Voices, Big Comedic Drop] If you want to be happy, Then don't be sad. If you want to be rich, Then go find a bag. If you want to be strong, Then lift something heavy. If you want to be smart, Then stop being stupid. If you want to be lucky, Then get lucky. If you want to be successful, Then succeed. If you want to achieve your dreams… Achieve them. And if you don't… Well… You didn't. [Outro — DJ MomJean$, Deadpan] Don't worry about tomorrow… Unless tomorrow is a problem. Then worry about tomorrow. If you want to be happy… Then don't be sad. You're welcome. [EarleDivine — Spoken] And if you want another hit… Press replay! (DDMG!) [End]
