Contradiction

Some days I wake up burning Teeth tight, weight in my chest Every sound feels like a siren Every love feels like a test And I look at what I’m holding And I don’t know what it is Something tender, something broken Something I would never miss I could run or I could stay Both feel honest in their way I am love and I am anger I am silence screaming loud I am mercy, I am fire I am lost inside the crowd Don’t ask me to make it make sense I won’t choose just one side I am everything I’m feeling I am truth I can’t divide I have sat inside the temples I have listened to the names Every answer I was given Started sounding just the same Now the words all taste like nothing And the quiet feels more true But it’s heavy, it’s unsettling Not believing what I knew There’s a beauty and a fall I can’t name it at all I am love and I am anger I am tenderness and rage I am open like a wound is I am shifting every day Don’t ask me to resolve it I won’t clean it up for you I am everything collapsing I am something breaking through There’s a child I would die for There’s a moment I regret There’s a world that feels like heaven There’s a darkness I can’t forget And they live here together No permission, no release No one comes to sort the pieces No one hands me any peace I am love and I am breaking I am gentleness and fight I am everything I’m holding In the middle of the night And I don’t need to believe it I don’t need to understand There’s a pulse beneath the chaos Slipping through my hands