[Verse 1] Out back of the sawmill where the diesel hangs low There's a hopper with a hunger and a nickname you'll know He's a faded green woodchipper, teeth like a grin Best chopper in the county for the timber and the sin He'll chew through an oak like a Saturday steak Turn a cord into sawdust before the coffee's even made But when the papers get stamped and the monster walks free Chip don't need a gavel — he just needs a key [Chorus] I got a pal named Chip who makes pedos go away He scatters 'em to the wind in a really gross way So when the courts fail and let 'em walk away Just call Chip — he's only a phone call away He works for gas money, don't mind gettin' dirty He'll do anything to keep a kid from hurting That's a hero to me [Verse 2] Judge talks in circles, lawyers talk in fees Mama lights a candle while the devil gets a lease Chip don't read the statutes, Chip don't take a plea He hums that old two-stroke hymn in the key of free Sawdust in the pine boughs, judgment on the breeze Some folks plant a garden — Chip plants what the law won't seize Ain't pretty, ain't Sunday, ain't fit for the choir But the playground got quieter when that hopper caught fire [Chorus] I got a pal named Chip who makes pedos go away He scatters 'em to the wind in a really gross way So when the courts fail and let 'em walk away Just call Chip — he's only a phone call away He works for gas money, don't mind gettin' dirty He'll do anything to keep a kid from hurting that's a hero to me [Verse 3] Pull up with a five-gallon can and a story you can't tell Chip don't ask for details, he just does his job real well No badge on the fender, no sermon on the hood Just a rusted old machine doing more than the law should He works cheap, he works ugly, he works after dark Leaves the forest a little cleaner than he found the park Don't film it, don't brag it, this ain't no trophy ride Just a number on a napkin and a tank on the side [Bridge] He's got an appetite for hardwood and an appetite for hell Turns a bad man into mulch and makes the corn grow well Good Book talked millstones for the ones who make kids cry Chip just found a diesel way to make the monsters pay, he don't care, got nothing to say, he makes the world safer at the end of the day. [Final Chorus] I got a pal named Chip who makes pedos go away He scatters 'em to the wind in a really gross way So when the courts fail and let 'em walk away Just call Chip — he's only a phone call away He works for gas money, don't mind gettin' dirty He'll do anything to keep a kid from hurting that's a hero to me [Outro] Yeah just call Chip Gas money on the dash Hopper lid up Don't you linger Don't you ask Just bring a little gas
