Screeching catbatross flocks Soar through the sky with squawks An army of flying cats Launching their aerial attacks! They screech and squeal and wail all night, Breeding brand-new ones out of sight. A mighty catbatross brigade Is warming up for its parade! Soon catbatross choirs on high Will scream their lungs out in the sky: How they suffer, how they grieve, How awful we are to live with! Shrieking hoarsely, non-stop screaming — Surely I must just be dreaming! How can one keep wailing so? Always putting on that show?! Hey, hey, hey, my Hedwiggy catbatross! Quit your screeching, screaming chaos! Or I’ll take you straight to the animal shelter... Swear to God, you'll end up there sooner or later! The Inspector’s coming, sirens blaring loud, And PETA folks are poking around! Holy heavens, I can’t take it! I’ll sell Hedwig off to China! Let that pestilence torment them, Put on her show as Queen Whiner! Maybe I’ll sell her off to India… Serve her roasted with chickpea! Throw her into some hot stew… Fry her crunchy—good to chew! She keeps sizzling in the hallway, Driving all the neighbours mad. Everyone has moved away now Those damn squawks were just too bad! Only those from India stayed— Still enduring, calm and steady. Maybe for some stew—homemade, They are waiting—bowls all ready? Hey, hey, hey, my Hedwiggy catbatross! Quit your screeching, screaming chaos! Or I’ll take you straight to the animal shelter... Swear to God, you'll end up there sooner or later! The Inspector’s coming, sirens blaring loud, And PETA folks are poking around! Peace and quiet—that’s all I need, All I dream of, beg and plead. But with Hedwig howling endlessly, I’m sinking deep in misery. I’ve hit rock bottom, clawing at the floor, Stuffing my ears—I can’t take any more! But still I hear the wailing of damned souls: Spooky squawks, devilish shrieks and growls! I’ll go crazy! I’ll go completely insane! Hedwig’s shrieks are frying my brain! What the fuck is happening here?! I can feel my last brain cell disappear! I can’t take it! I’m worn out! I can’t stand another shout! Hedwig, have mercy on your mum! End this fucking lament now! I am begging you, Hedwiggy, my catbatross! Quit your screeching, screaming chaos! Or I’ll take you straight to the animal shelter... Swear to God, you'll end up there sooner or later! The Inspector’s coming, sirens blaring loud, And PETA folks are poking around! Intervention paperwork won't make Mummy proud! The Inspector’s coming, sirens blaring loud, And PETA folks are poking around! Intervention paperwork won't make Mummy proud...
