Bidet Buckaroo

I have absolutely no excuse for this one and that is exactly why I love it. Wanted to go full feral with the banjo, make it dusty, mean, ridiculous and weirdly majestic at the same time. The turkeys are having a very bad day in this song, and yes, Tarja is apparently out there backflipping off fence posts like some swamp-born chaos witch. Also... once the line about the portable bidet existed, there was no honorable way back... ✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦ 𝑩𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒕 𝑩𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒐 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒍𝒂𝒘 • 𝒎𝒖𝒅 • 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒋𝒐 • 𝒔𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒚 ✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦ ╭─ ✦ 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 ✦ ─╮ Hmmm... Mud in my fate. Calibrate. Rrrrr-ahh! ╰─🐾─╯ 🪕 ┈┈┈┈┈ ✦ ┈┈┈┈┈ 🪕 ╭─ ✦ 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝑰 ✦ ─╮ I slid through the briar with a brineglass grin, in a hogwire dawn with my heels dug in. Them gobblers strutted like tin-crowned dukes, all flapjaw proud with their pinecone flukes. Turkey-bone-broth in my cyclone eye, squelchgut swagger in the kudzu sky. Tarja backflipped off a fencepost rail, yellin' “Gobble me never, thou feather-fail!” ╰─🌾🤠─╯ ╭─ ✦ 𝑷𝒓𝒆-𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 ✦ ─╮ Was it luck? Nope-nope-nope. Was it scent? Nope-nope-nope. It was the pressure-grade. Rrrrr-right. ╰─⚡─╯ ✦ 💦 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 💦 ✦ And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet, Woo-hoo! clean-spray halo in the gobble-gray. They can flap all mean in the sassafras shade, but their whole bad day gets hydro-upstaged. Rrrrr-raise it! And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet, wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! brinebright, buckwild, blessed all the way. wh-ooop! 🤠═══════════💦═══════════🤠 ╭─ ✦ 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝑰𝑰 ✦ ─╮ One bird came stompin' with a courtroom neck, all thunder-beard wobble and barnyard respect. My bidet went "psst" with a sainted hiss, like a creek-born curse with a chrome-lipped kiss. Turkey-bone-broth in the cattail steam, gobbler got shook by the gleamstream beam. Undead Chickens drifted in, mislaid in the glutchgrass slime, cluckin' like a haunted sheriff way behind on time. Tarja greased his feather-hide with lubricant glaze, said “Now strut, thou slickbird menace, through the sassafras haze.” ╰─🪶💥─╯ ✦ 🪕 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 🪕 ✦ Rrrrrrrrah! And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet, Woo-hoo! clean-spray halo in the gobble-gray. They can flap all mean in the sassafras shade, but their whole bad day gets hydro-upstaged. Rrrrr-roll, boys! And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet, wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! brinebright, buckwild, blessed all the way. 💦 ┈┈┈┈┈ ✦ ┈┈┈┈┈ 💦 ╭─ ✦ 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒈𝒆 ✦ ─╮ Listen. The gobbler thinks the woods belong to him. False. My hygiene ratio is frontier-perfect. My splash theology is absolute. I baptize panic. Rrrrr-amen! ╰─⛪💦─╯ ✦ 🚨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 🚨 ✦ And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet, Woo-hoo! saint of the spray in the splatter-crate day. All them gobblefiends can stomp and preen, but I wash their swagger right outta the scene. Rrrrr-ruined! And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet, wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! no bird gets joy when I'm under them trees. ╭─ ✦ 𝑶𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒐 ✦ ─╮ Commit the rinse. Bless the raid. Feathers complained. Rrrrr... Hard stop. Haaaa ╰─🪕💦🤠─╯ ✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦ © 2026 by ꧁༺ Tαɾʝα ༻꧂ | AI-GENERATED CONTENT | gem. Art. 50 EU AI Act – Verordnung (EU) 2024/1689